Something on my Mind:Happy Father's Day to us Dads

In case you didn't notice, this coming Sunday is Father's Day. Whether you're a father or not, you at least had a father and it would be appropriate to honour him.

"Honouring" can take different forms these days, from gifts to texts to phone calls, maybe even a meal out. Probably at this stage of his life a quick text would be fine, though texting may not work if he is screen-challenged.

If you text him, he can read your kind words over and over again. However, if you phone him, just hearing your voice can also go a long way. I have experienced this myself on occasion.

I know there are severe circumstances that may preclude you from doing this. They could be that your dad was abusive (physically, sexually, religiously, or emotionally). Maybe he was never interested in your world in your growing up years, or not involved in your life from the get-go. Perhaps he bolted at the announcement of your mother's pregnancy (so you never knew him).

These are tragedies of the highest order and if you experienced them, I sincerely feel badly for you. With all my failings as a father, at least I was around my children all the time (working outside the home, notwithstanding, in my duty as a provider). Sometimes when I consider any success within my home, it was despite of me, not because of me. (I am not leaving my wife out, but, after all, this is a father-focused column.)

There are books galore on what it means to be a good dad. I've read some of them, and should read more. There is actually another "book," albeit an unwritten one, that is right near the top, namely, life itself.

In other words, you learn as you go.

That doesn't mean that there is no help available for learning fatherhood skills, but sometimes it's a matter of learning by doing. Another factor, of course, is when we have had a good father ourselves, like I did.

The greatest weakness with what I just said is that fatherhood sometime messes with little people—as in our first- and second-borns--—and they often get the brunt of our inadequacies and inexperience.

For my wife and me, we were far more consistent and disciplined with our eldest kids than with the younger ones. I have seen that lightening up in dozens of families. I'm sure some of the older kids in these families resent what they see younger ones getting away with.

That's because we did what we did in light of what we knew back then. A lot of things change within the family structure over a span of twenty to thirty years, and not always for the better.

Let me give you a brief list:

1. communication: I remember in our earlier years that we had a party line phone line (we shared the line with four other homes; and believe me, it was no "party"). Now, every home has multiple phones and many other forms of electronic toys. Back in those primitive years, we had far more control as to what came into our home. That clearly detracts from good fathering skills.

2. information: our own development as parents changes over the decades. We gain further insight on "this matter," or distance ourselves from "that viewpoint." Moving from neophytes to old-timers (from greenhorn to grey hair?) methods change. They shouldn't necessarily, but they do.

3. family size and finances are two other key factors that impact family life, and the role of fathers in particular. As each increase, decisions are affected.

On the one hand, fatherhood is a thankless vocation: Fathers get attacked via movies, social media, regular media, society at large, and even from their kids. But on the other hand, there is no greater joy to see our kids finally grow up and become independent, mature members of this our society.

In fact, that satisfaction could be one of the the greatest Father's Day gifts of all.

Something on my Mind: Junior Hockey: Another Word for Canada

I continue to be moved by two hockey stories that filled the airwaves and newspapers just a few weeks ago. I know it is old news when you read this, but it's still fresh (maybe even raw) news as I write it. And we're still feeling the effects of them both.

In one story, it was the happy end to a seventeen-year journey for the Sedin twins; in the other, it was sad end of the lives of many hockey personnel (players, coaches, and support staff). Either way, it was a very emotional weekend for the hockey world.

I am speaking, of course, of the retirement of the Sedin brothers and the crash between the Humboldt Broncos hockey team bus and a semi truck. (Dig a little deeper and you will find that the number "17" is linked between the two accounts.)

One is a story of triumph, that of two of the best ambassadors in decades of this glorious game called ice hockey; the other, a story of tragedy, with many lives cut short, and absolutely no hope of professional hockey careers.

On the one hand, there is the near-fairy tale ending of the careers of the Sedin twins, who received the overwhelming honour from the hockey world everywhere; on the other hand, there is the nitty-gritty tale of death, grief, and injuries.

In the face of two very opposite events, namely, the "mountain" of the strong finish of two careers and the "valley" of life-changing tragedies at the beginning of others, I suggest that the genuine response by the Canadian public has quite likely been a significant part of these two events.

Like most people who have been following both events, I knew neither the twins nor the Humboldt Broncos. I follow the Canucks from a distance, and even less than that of the Broncos.

Furthermore, regarding the name "Broncos," I know that the Lethbridge Hurricanes (WHL) were once called the Broncos (and later moved to Swift Current), so no real connection at all, other than that. In fact, I had to look up "Humboldt" on Google Maps to find out exactly where it is. My only link to that town was that a cousin of mine once worked there.

Back to the Sedins: I was thrilled to see the support that the Coyotes and Oilers gave them in the final two games of the season-- from hugging them, to forming at the end of the game to shake hands, to treating the occasion like a play-off game. And beyond that, players and management from other teams were able to voice their respective admiration. Very, very classy on everyone's part—and so Canadian.

The "reassuringly Canadian" connection in the bus catastrophe was, for me, the overwhelming support that all of Canada came up with. And it's still being felt to this day.

Even south of the 49^th parallel, I was amazed at the news outlets, athletes in other sports, politicians plus other leaders, that expressed their condolences to the team itself, their families, and the town of Humboldt.

All hockey, and junior hockey in particular, represents what is good about this grand country of ours. It honours the maple leaf more than each level of baseball, football, basketball, and soccer...combined

It pulls this kid in from the local farm, or that young man in from the small community in the next county, or from some hamlet in the South or city in the North. It embodies the work ethic, family life, cultural roots, and all those necessary personal and collective qualities—such as perseverance, discipline, and resilience—that makes this country great.

It's very sad that so many of those Broncos lost a chance to grow up and be outstanding, classy NHLers...like the Sedin twins.

Something on my Mind: What's that Again? (2)

Double standards are a very real challenge to our thinking these days. I actually struggle with them myself betimes. Last week we looked at four areas where words or expressions mean one thing here, but another thing there. It very unsettling.

But it's not just the media that's inconsistent. It's also found in politics, schools, and late night talk shows, but actually, it's mostly in our own thinking.

Here are some more:

5. I dealt with the following in this space a few weeks ago, but it bears repeating: Why the push for certain rights and privileges based on skin colour (as in black), while at the same time denouncing the "advantage" of skin colour (as in white)? It can't be one-sided.

Either skin colour preference (ie., racial discrimination) is wrong, or it's right. It can't be wrong for some, but right for others. That's inconsistent and illogical. I suggest that all people are valuable, and discriminating on the basis of colour is ugly racism, pure and simple.

There is a race issue, to be sure, but it's not based on colour. We're all one race, the human race. We may be different nationalities or cultures, and they should be celebrated. Isn't it funny how we never hear about the Irish privilege, Jamaican privilege, or Laotian privilege—only "white" privilege.

If there is any privilege, it's cultural privilege, although I would still fight that misconception. We should be colour blind when it comes to esteeming people. People waving the "privilege" flag should really be pouring their efforts into real issues—like initiative, industriousness, work ethic, and such.

6. Have you ever noticed that certain countries have been labelled as the arch-enemy of democracy, justice, rights, and freedom? And they get denounced for this injustice or that bondage by the very people who are actually benefitting from living in those "evil" places!

I speak of countries like Canada, the USA,, Australia, Great Britain, and South Africa, some of the world's most convenient "whipping boys." But pray tell, what countries are refugees and immigrants flocking to these days, anyway they can?

You got it: Canada, the USA, Australia, Great Britain, and South Africa.

Have you ever heard of immigrants and refugees sneaking into Mexico? Or taking an over-crowded dinghy into Libya? Crossing the desert into Iraq? Flocking into Zimbabwe? I didn't think so. And I never read of Muslim refugees fleeing from Muslim countries and heading to other Muslim countries.

Funny how these bastions of democracy, justice, rights, and freedom (Canada, etc.) are providing for the world what other countries cannot, or worse, will not provide.

Another double standard, friends: These are the greatest countries in the world ,yet there is a growing anarchist element within trying to tear down the freedoms that made them so great. (This smacks of the "golden goose" syndrome that I wrote about a while ago.)

7. Finally, let's consider the word "free" in some subsequent columns. I will tease you here, as I am running out of space. I will need to develop a couple of columns on this topic alone over the next couple of weeks.

In the meantime, look for words or concepts that smack of a double standard. You may be amazed at their frequency.

So for now, "chill," which could be taken two ways...