Ways to Save at Christmastime

Did you hear the one about the Three Wisemen from the East? Apparently they stopped in Ottawa and formed a coalition. One source told me that they were Dopey, Grumpy, and Sleepy; another source hinted that they were actually three brothers: Gord, Murray, and Frank Insens.

Seriously, folks, how was your Christmas? Somewhere between the turkey that you had for supper (double entendre, people) and the fat old man that left you gifts (another double entendre), Christmas 2008 is history. Or, as some wag (that would be me) put it: The presents are past, and it's time to return that pink tie, those red socks, and cash in that gift card at your local Starb_cks.

This is the week known all over the world - or maybe just in my mind - as "All-I-got-for-Christmas-were-my-two front-teeth-but-they-are-the-wrong-size" Week.

I enjoy this season as much as any little kid. And when I was a kid, I had minimal expenses. Now, I cringe when I discover how much we have paid for gifts, even though we as a family work within the constraints of a very responsible budget. My angst, as you have read here ad nauseam, lies with the excessive secularism and commercialism of this time of year. But enough said from that platform. Is there anything you would like to change for next year? This is the time to write it down, while your frustration (or creativity) level is at its peak.

Let me make a few suggestions as to what might work:

One, draw names within the family. In other words, not everyone needs to buy for everyone else. That means that you will likely be able to put more money towards good, quality gifts (read: gifts that make it past January), and hopefully, you will get the same in kind. In our home, kids draw names for kids, and not for parents. (I should quickly clarify that while kids should and could buy gifts for parents, it's just not part of the draw.)

Two, plan special events that do not involve spending too much money. When one is forced to because of economic restraints, there is no choice. However, when you choose to, somehow it has more meaning. Let me suggest the following: bowling, sledding, entertaining, plus all-night DVD sessions, all-day board game tournaments, and maybe even a pjyama day, – just for starters. These are not mere suggestions: We have done them for years and they work.

And three, stay around the house more than usual. It's cheaper, warmer, and safer to hang around the old homestead during these wintry days and nights. It is nice to lay low for the few days around Christmas, what with the rest of the year being crazy enough. Myself, no matter how good the deals are on Boxing Day, I wouldn't even dream of venturing out to Lethbridge or Medicine Hat for a 7:00 AM door-crasher special. I can crash my own door at 9:00 AM, thank you very much.

By the way, if you ever come across those three wise guys from the East, just tell them to keep going (try North Korea, Somalia, or Pakistan). We don't need anymore cold, murmuring Frankensteins bothering us.

Have a great New Year.

Christmas Gifts

I find it really hard to cruise the malls these days without buying every single gift that calls my name. I am a sucker for all the slick packaging, glossy paper, and gift boxes. Fortunately, I am as poor as a GM executive – okay, I don't have my own Learjet – and I also have a wife who keeps me accountable.

So if you were hoping for a little gift from me this year, dream on.

The one "gift" I suppose I have is that of humourous writing (at least I hear that), so I will pass out a few goodies as we slink towards the big day. If I leave you off my list, don't take it personally. You may even want to take it as a backhanded compliment: For the most part, I am doling gifts out to those who seem to really need them, this year especially.

Mats Sundin. May you enjoy your stint in Vancouver. After years and years of futility in Toronto, I think anywhere - including Atlanta – would be a welcome relief. I know it was a struggle to accept the five million dollars for playing hockey for half a year, but I am sure you can get by on that. Myself, I'd play forty games for a paltry one million dollars, even if it was in Calgary. Go, Canucks, go.

Barack Obama. May you have good experience as early as possible in your presidency. And then may it long continue. After all, you are entering the leadership of arguably the greatest nation on earth, now at one of its lowest points in its existence. And last time I checked, you have absolutely no experience in running a country. It is quite a leap from a senator of one state to the ruler of fifty states, to say nothing of your worldwide impact. If you have any doubt about running the country, consult the media: they think they have all the answers.

Stephen Harper. May you keep your head in the days to come. In fact, stay the course: I like how you responded to the vultures and power-grabbers. True to form, one of the leaders has already bailed out. Here's hoping Gilles Ducepption follows suit. Anyways, Mr. Harper, you did Western Canada proud and we really need a common sense, level-headed leader in these turbulent times. (I suppose you might say he is the only wise man from the East...)

Readers of this column. May you face 2009 with wisdom and courage. Much of the coming year could be caught up with belt-tightening, saying 'no' a few more times, and re-aligning your financial priorities. A little advice here: Talk to your parents or some old-timers in your circle of friends, those that have gone through tough times and survived to talk about it. (Actually, this advice also applies to those who don't read this column.)

More readers of this column. May you feel free to disagree with the style and the content of this column. The editor and publisher have graciously allowed me this opportunity to write on a weekly basis (now in my third year), sometimes funny and sarcastic, sometimes sober and insightful. Whereas, at least when I rant and rave, I have the courage and integrity to sign my name. I assume some of you think I am "off my rocker" with some of the values that I express, and that's okay. Isn't great to live in a country that allows a measure of freedom of speech!

My family. May you enjoy all the changes that are happening all around us – kids graduating, kids getting married, and kids moving on, plus water and appliance and vehicle problems. And don't forget: Four years ago this very night we came home to the smoldering ruins of our wonderful country house. Somehow, through the grace of God and the kindness of our friends here in the County of Forty-Mile, we have made it so far.

To quote Tiny Tim: May God bless us, everyone. And to quote me: Have a Merry Christmas.

Politics of Zimbabwe

I have always suffered, if that is the correct term, from wanderlust. I have travelled across most provinces in Canada, except for PEI; I spent most of my life in BC, and parts of my summers in Newfoundland. I also taught school overseas, in an impoverished yet beautiful country called El Salvador.

Now the extent of my travelling is to Lethbridge, Calgary, and Stony Plain, with side trips to Vauxhall.

I don't mind staying here in Alberta, or even Canada, for that matter. I think I know the way its people operate; I am a third-generation Irish-Canadian myself and this is home. It has the variety yet similarity in language, geography, ethnicity, and culture. While there are days that I cannot honestly answer the question, 'What is a Canadian?', I don't think I wouldn't intentionally do anything to alter the fabric of this glorious nation, unless through bona fide, civil means.

A few weeks ago, I went to the polls, along with millions of others and voted for the people I thought would run this country most responsibly. Many of you know my views on politics, though you certainly don't know why. And had a different party been voted in, I would have been sad and disappointed. But at least I would have respected the voice of the people.

As I sit and write these words, days before you read them and days before the infamous December 8 budget deadline, I am shocked to learn that there is an extremely good possibility that the government that was duly elected is about to be dumped. (However, there are some clever and political maneuverings that could forestall that calamity. Please allow for this thing called a 'deadline' to make my column possibly obsolete.)

Replaced how? Replaced when? Replaced by whom? Well, I shudder when I try to answer those questions. The de facto leader of our country will be the same one who was basically thrown out of his own party for leading them to their worst defeat in the recent election. A contributor to this anguish is a leader of a party whose sole interest is the betterment of Quebec – nothing more, nothing less. Finally getting into the action this way, rather than any other way, is the NDP. Check out their record at the province level - any province where they have some power, for that matter - and see if they are fit to possess even one solitary cabinet post.

The apparent reason for the political sandbox pile on is the economic constraints that are plaguing the land. Let me understand this: Because of the serious economic situation in our nation, we are going to accelerate the uncertainty. In other words, we will add further financial instability to existing financial instability. That makes a lot of sense, especially if you are a left of centre or left of left of centre. (Maybe if they simply just left...)

I have no idea if this fiasco called a coalition will even get off the ground. I do know that if they sincerely mean what they say, and you will be hard-pressed to find common Canadians who believe that , they should demand concessions. Bad as that is, at least they would be acting like brats and not bullies. If that doesn't work, then call an election. As expensive and inconvenient as that option is, let the people decide. My, what a novel idea, especially in what was once a democracy. (Or, we could all sit down, hold our breath until we get our way. Oops, it looks like the Liberal-NDP coalition has taken that approach.)

Oh, Canada! Remember my interest in travelling? Part of it lay in going over to Africa some-day. I don't think that is any longer necessary. You see, Africa appears to have come here. Well, sort of.

It's called the Politics of Zimbabwe.