Dangerous for Your Health

I draw from a number of sources for this column. Life itself, of course, is the greatest and richest source for information, ideas, and anecdotes. I learned the following at a writers' conference years ago: "There's a story somewhere in there," - and I have applied that principle ever since.

But other than life, I read whatever tasteful and useful material I can get my hands on, through both the Internet and selected newspapers, and, of course, listen to the news on any number of reliable radio stations.

Let's see: At last count, I believe that number would be three.

In addition to those sources, "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader" is one of the best sources of trivial and zany information, albeit not current, present-day news. But it does get me thinking, and thinking gets me writing, and writing helps me buy the odd doughnut now and then.

Something I read in my favourite bathroom reader the other day confirmed what I just heard on one of those three reliable newscasts: Back-to-school clothes can be dangerous. In fact, the aforementioned Reader spoke of over 100,00 Americans who are injured every year through their (everyday, including school) clothes; that would translate into roughly 10,000 Canadians are hurt by the clothes they wear.

In other words: Watch out what you wear, it may be dangerous to your health.

I can see it now: A kid and his mom walk into Wal-Mart, head straight to the clothing section. "May I help you?" a clerk asks, after the family has been floating alone on a sea of isolation for ten minutes, looking like they're drowning in socks and t-shirts.

"Yes, ma'am," they reply, "we were just wondering if there were any land mines in these jeans, any knives in those pockets?"

Okay, I jest. The safety issue, if I recall, is the toxins or poisons (or are they the same thing?) in, over, or near any form of clothing or accessories that kids are wearing to school. Granted, one can't be too careful these days, but I wonder if we taking this issue a little too far. If a parent wants to make certain their kid isn't getting their bodies poisoned by going to school, I suggest trying a different section in their favourite box store.

It's called the grocery department.

In my limited experience of observing what kids eat – and this goes well beyond my present teaching context – I am appalled that there aren't more rashes, headaches, nausea, expressed in the form of sick days, hyper-activity (or drowsiness), and loss of concentration. (Wait, as a matter of fact...)

When it comes to preserved and pre-packaged foods, I am amazed what I have seen come out of Sponge Bob lunch kits over the past few years. I wonder sometimes if parents really know what they are feeding their kids.

The inverse is also true: I have a pretty good idea what little Johnny and his family had for supper the night before. Many of my students have moms who are obviously wonderful cooks – just like I do.

So, is there a safety issue with back-to-school? Yes, indeed. In some places, it involves drugs and gangs and bullying – although Medicine Hat isn't all that bad, I suppose. But in our world, I reckon that one has to watch just exactly where those crayons came from and what the liner in the lunch kit is actually made of.

Methinks, then, that the bigger issue is not what they are wearing, but what they are eating. My suggestion is that parents can't be too careful what they give their kids for lunch these days. You need to be careful: Don't pull the stem on that apple; it may be a hand grenade in disguise.