The last three weddings that I have attended in recent weeks have had some significant features about them. In each of the three, for instance, a bridesmaid was visibly pregnant! I think there were too many jokes in the one of them, as Mrs. C. (a married daughter of friends of mine) gave birth just hours after the last punchline was delivered.
But you might say that she wasn't kidding when hers was the final delivery of the night. (Then again, you may not.)
The other significant feature was the level of commitment these couples understood leading up to this huge event. They planned for two things: the wedding day, as well as the marriage years. They were so serious about how they approached things, that, in fact, two of the couples actually kissed for the first time before us all. This attitude certainly flies in the face of most approaches to marriage today.
Talk about self-control-- and I'm speaking about the audience! They were so pumped and loud to see the first smooch, they almost woke me up.
I don't know about you, but I find weddings like that refreshing. I frequently joke about the marks of an acceptable wedding: good food, lively music, and clean humour. But if I could take my quip mask off, I would say that the promise "to love and obey, in sickness and in health, so long as we both shall live" really gets me right here (Maurice, I'm pointing at, uh, my heart).
We all know that the ultimate bedrock of any stable civilization (that is, marriage between a man and a woman for life) is tottering big time. We are aware that it is being re-defined, re-worked, and in many quarters, rejected. It's often portrayed as a life sentence, with the apartment being the prison cell.
We also know—and I would be happy to supply the facts in a subsequent column to any sincere fan in newspaperland—that the issues of crime, promiscuity, self-image, and even education are impacted in direct proportion to the type of family any child was raised in. Exceptions? Of course. But one doesn't build arguments or lay evidence on occasional, peripheral information.
Institutions--such as the church, education, and big business--are changing drastically, annually, and quickly. And the institution of marriage is no exception. As I focus my comments on marriage today, I am very well aware of the following facts: One, no marriage is perfect; two, marriage takes work; three, marriages based on mutual respect are never marred by abuses of any sort; and four, good marriages (or bad) have a profound effect on the future good (or bad) of any nation.
Marriage is the union of two varying temperaments, two sets of experiences, two value systems, and two opposite genders. Naturally there will be problems. After all, anything that involves a mother-in-law will...aw, just kidding. But if the two lovers publicly and privately commit to working things out, they are better for it. And, for that matter, so are we all.
Working at marriage makes one a better employee: Each is prepared to hang in there, solve the problem(s), and move ahead. Working at marriage makes one a better citizen: Each has a vested interest in the good of the neighbourhood, the community-at-large.
They (whoever "they" are) speak of good intimacy, or good communications, or good finances as keys to a healthy marriage. These are all true. I suggest that good compromise is yet another key to a robust marriage. More on that sometime.
My point is that once we go from the bells to the bills, from the wedding feast to the leftovers, from guests who bring their presents to guests who only bring their presence, we all (even we thirty-year veterans) recognize that the work is worth it. It can't all be flowers on the table and walks by the shore. Someone has to take the garbage out, shovel the walk, and, of course, put the toilet seat down.
So, to Aaron and Candice, Aaron and Stephanie, and Wes and Cheri: Good on you. Keep it up and hang in there. And by the way, the food was terrific.
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