This is the time of year where everybody loves everybody—or at least that's the impression—and it's usually expressed through New Year's resolutions for themselves, and best wishes for their friends and otherwise. I'm no different, at least in that sense, so I want to plunge into this discussion with some teensy-weensy bit of advice for those in the “otherwise” category.
I am specifically targeting four (4) disparate (correct spelling, people) groups. Now that I think of it, I suppose they could be five desperate groups also.
First, to the latest version of the Supreme Ruler of North Korea, Kim Jong-un. I want to say something witty (or would that be cutting?) about haircut, dress code, and weight, but I refrain. It's one thing to look like that when one is going to a private school in Switzerland (and out of the public eye), but now his role—and therefore, our expectation—is much, much higher.
I wish for President-elect (not) Jong-un that he work hard in three key areas. First, take care of his own people in the area of personal freedoms, nutritious food, and international trade. Second, work out his differences with that other president from that other Korea. I don't know all the details about the Korean War (ie., who's to blame), but I do know that it has been sixty years of futility for North Korea. And three, get on with the international scene. Albania crawled out from under its rock and things have improved for them.
Second, to the countries that make up the European Community. I want to say something about sloppy immigration laws, about too much fat at the top, about cushy public employees—but you might get baffled and think I'm referring to Canada or the USA. So I won't confuse you.
But I will urge them to get off their collective you-know-whats and get more serious than ever about their collective financial stability. Some suggestions: Bring the tourists back. Renew the trades and manufacturing segment (which will mean, of course, a drop in wages and benefits as your workers compete with Vietnam and China). And start cutting back, from the top down, at 1% per year.
Third, to those candidates in the presidential race in our eleventh province / fourth territory—or is it the other way around? I want them to read this current column, and my previous two wishes, in particular: Dress appropriately in public and learn some money management skills.
I am speaking specifically to Republican candidates whose last names sound like Paul, Romney, Gingrich, Bachmann, and Perry. I wanted to add Cain, but he is no longer able. Over the next few months, as the field tightens up, I'll take a few shots at the various deficiencies of all those left standing—and whether any of them have the moral right to run.
The truth is, Obama needs to go before he drives our once-glorious neighbour further and deeper into the economic abyss. These guys (and gal) need to stop fighting among themselves, and come up with the best person to lead the country. Like a bad marriage, when parents fight, it's always the kids who suffer. And in case you haven't noticed, the “kids” are misbehaving big time.
And finally, to the professional hockey team that makes Calgary its home (I can't quite come out and say their full name on an empty stomach). I want to say something supportive like “trust you make the play-offs,” or “hope your rookies do well,” but I can't, so I won't.
If Jay Feaster is reading my column—and why wouldn't he?--let me suggest a blockbuster trade for him. The key Calgary players would indeed be, well, key Calgary players, namely, Iginla and Kiprusoff. The potential trading partners would be one of the following: the Columbus Blue Jackets, the New York Islanders, or the Tampa Bay Lightning. All three teams are in desperate need for what Calgary can offer—a first-string goalie and a take-charge, proven leader.
I suggest the Islanders, for the following three reasons: They are in the Eastern Conference, so there would be minimal damage to the Flames' success; the addition of these two quality players could be the missing pieces to make the team respectable again; and there are some marketable players to come back.
Those said marketable players would be Nabokov (to replace Kiprusoff in goal), plus either Matt Moulson or Michael Grabner to replace Iginla. In one fell swoop, the Flames get younger, faster, and cheaper..
I know you're all saying one of two things right now: My oh my, this Funston fella sure has some wonderful, creative ideas! Or, what's that Funston fella been drinking anyway?
Trust the above can benefit from my teensy-weensy bit of advice. And have a Happy New Year (and many years to come) while they're at it.
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