I went to my favourite sweet shoppe (Him Tortons) the other day; I needed to buy my daily dose of penny candy. Unfortunately, through the stroke of a pen from the powers-that-be, it had become nickel nibbles. I bought as much as usual, paid as much as usual, but somehow I felt there was a, uh, penny-pincher behind the counter.
It's only been a day so far, at the point of this writing, that this law has been put into effect, but already I am wondering about a penny-less Canada. No more “penny for your thoughts.” “Two-bits for your thoughts” just doesn't cut it. Will we never again have to pay a pretty penny? Never really thought of small change as handsome.
What about penny loafers? (If you're under 45, you're probably wondering what they are. Well, I guess it really doesn't matter anymore, does it?).
And will I no longer be able to sing, “Penny Lane” at the top of my lungs? While many neighbours will bless the government for such relief, “Dime Drive” doesn't have the same pizzazz or beat.
I see where this initiative came from the government. My first (and usual) reaction is, Why? But with the government, it's better, Why...now? Or even more precise: What's the hidden agenda? What's the hidden cost?
I had the same reaction when the one-dollar and two-dollar bills were sent to the great bank in the sky, replaced by the loonie and toonie. (Quick: What colour were the bills?) Really: Only in Canada do we have a currency named after silly behaviour.
To be sure, we have adjusted quite well to less bills and more coins. But does that mean we are going reverse things, and go from less coins to more bills? Just wondering.
So maybe that's my fear, namely, not only having the penny dropped completely from circulation, but having it replaced with something else—a paper-type penny, if you will. What do you call something so tiny? A note? A slip? A token?
You could always call it a “Flame,” as that name serves no real usefulness in this part of the world.
Where was I? Oh right: Bre-X bills. Remember them? Those valueless pieces of paper that promised instant wealth to deluded denizens. And no, I wasn't one of them, thank you very much.
I suggest, in my very own humble way—okay, maybe not “very”--that we round up as many of the Bre-X bills, papers, sheets, notes, slips, or whatever else you may call them (that's printable), and use them to replace the penny.
I will go even further: Maybe even use different-coloured ones to assume different values. In other words, brown will be for one penny, blue for two, yellow for three, all the way up to four cents. If our esteemed government chooses to delete the nickel—voila!-- surely there's another shade of a former Bre-X note to this already shady deal.
Naturally, I am not totally serious about the above, but it does make good copy. I just wonder why something has to be dropped in the first place (that would be the penny, Maurice), but not necessarily replaced. Only on cash transactions, of course; on plastic transactions, it's a moot point.
And you did pick up the fact, didn't you, that the amount is rounded up or down, depending on the price ? In other words, you could end up paying a little more, but getting a little less, or you might be paying a little less, but gaining a little more. Either way, you may not always get what you paid for,
Will it be worth it? Obviously, it's hard to say. Methinks one is being penny wise but pound foolish here. Or would that be “nickel nuts but litre loonie?”
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