Something on my Mind: That Good Old Hockey Game (1)

It's that time of year again, when boy millionaires knock that round, hard rubber disc with a piece of wood shaped like an "L" towards a net; they are trying to get it behind a guy wearing a mask, and wearing enough padding to make the Michelin Man look like the Slender Man; if successful, the shooter follows up with a hug-fest with other excited males who are both on the ice and on his team.

(Mothers and teachers: Do not let your kids get away with such a twisted run-on sentence. Only a county-famous columnist would try this, foolishly enough).

Re-stated: It's almost time for "That Good Old Hockey Game."

That's a title of a song, made famous by Stompin' Tom Connors decades ago. And if you behave really nicely, maybe I can revive its popularity with my own rendition sometime. I can see it now: "'That Good Old Hockey Game,' by Screechin' Craig Funston, coming to a garage sale near you."

Okay, no worries, I wouldn't do that to my worst enemies, not even those on the political Left. But then again...

I have written enough about hockey over these past twelve years in this space that I fear I'm repeating myself. So between my short-term memory and your casual reading, I can't recall...uh, what were talking about again?

There is a lot of excitement in the air these days, though that something in the air could also be someone's smelly hockey socks; it's hard to tell the difference. All I know is it's only the beginning of NHL training camps, yet the buzz is palatable.

Next to the play-offs, this is probably the most exciting time of year for professional hockey: Every team in every league is tied for first place. Take the NHL, for example: the Vancouver Canucks are tied with the Winnipeg Jets! The Phoenix Coyotes are neck and neck with the Nashville Predators.

No player is on the Injured Reserved List or Long Term Disability. There are no sore heads or sore legs, not even sore losers. In fact, there hasn't even been a fight...yet

I have never played serious hockey (unless table hockey or pond hockey count). I can't even skate. Most of the time when I was younger and got together bwith other guys, I was assigned the goalie position—and my position was usually flat on my back or flat on my derriere (that's French for "butt"--I'm so cultured).

As I sit here, I am following the development of the newest NHL expansion team (not completely official, but as good as). Why Seattle got a leg up in expansion on other cities (eg., Quebec City), I do not know. After all, there are some teams that are struggling, so Seattle could have gotten one of them through a re-location (hello, Phoenix and Carolina).

And colours? Please, just anything but red, blue, or black. I would like to see more green (fitting for a team called that may be called "Emeralds" some day), silver, or burgundy—or a combination of all three.

I'm wondering if I should forward this column to the new owners, so they get some fresh ideas. While I'm at it, maybe I could send some clips showing off my goal tending prowess—okay, maybe not.

I wouldn't think they would need a new starting goalie. And they might misconstrue my message and think I was sending my goalie pics for colour suggestions.

Of course, all they would see is black and blue.