Cyber Slang

Some of my forced fans (read: students) know that there are certain words that drive me nutty. I suppose the greatest bugbear is the word "thingy." "Thing" is meaningless and boring enough, without making matters worse with that stupid suffix, "y."

I will now add another pesky word to that list of all-time favourites (not): "Whatever." Again, it is bad enough when the speaker has an attitude in his or her voice, that defiant in-your-face response to a very genuine question. But I am not talking about that.

My angst lies with "whatever" when it is added to a factual statement, as in "He was driving a red Ford yesterday, or whatever." Well, was he was or was he not? Was it yesterday or the day before? Was is red or not red? A Ford or a real car? (Sorry, all you Ford lovers – not.)

You see, the suffixing word, if there is ever such an animal (in this case, "whatever"), neutralizes the truth and precision of the previous statement. Case in point: Make any sort of comment about you or yours, then add the word "whatever" to it. You instantly create confusion, not a good thing when you are trying to communicate effectively.

My favourite telephone company sent me a brochure recently for those in my household who need a "guide to speaking in text." In other words, a guide for those who want to communicate with their cellphones by sending text messages to their friends. In the olden days (probably a couple of years ago), we used cell phones for -- drum roll, please -- talking. Now I can take pictures with mine, and use it as a wannabe iPod sometimes. Reception may be poor, but it sure makes for a great camera.

A phone that acts like a camera but not always like a phone? Uhmm, sounds like something out of a movie. (That would be Bond. James Bond.)

The added insult is the butchered text words. To an old guy like me, ATB means the Alberta Treasury Branch; to you text-messaging kids, it means "all the best." I remember when qt stood for quart (English measurement, children); now it means "cutie." Do you recall when we used to have a federal sales tax? Well, the fst now stands for "fast."

By the way, was I supposed to put quotation marks around those initials?

I think I will call this "cyber slang." Self-explanatory, I believe. I also believe it is here to stay. Like food banks and income tax, both alleged temporary measures to help citizens and governments, respectively, through unplanned crises, I think we have to resign ourselves to this (fairly) new mode of communicating.

Being the grammar geek that I am, it does bother me that weakening communication skills – both written and spoken – are now deteriorating even further. And encouraged, at that. In fact, in a twisted form of rationale, it is those who attempt to write well and speak well that are seen (and heard) as the strange ones. It's like they are on the communication endangered species list.

To be sure, I wasn't really interested in writing or speaking well when I was in school. (Kids: close your eyes when you read this.) It was over the years that I grew a deep appreciation for things that were well-written and people that were well-spoken. I am not ashamed to say that I am still working hard at both. I encourage both quests in my own children. How successful I am, I cannot say. You would need to talk to them.

Well, it looks like the end (of the page) is near. Till next week, g2g and b4n.