Revising Christmas?

My love of history encompasses both the arts and the humanities. Whether I actually understand anything I read or watch is another discussion. Such venerable authors as James Michener and Pierre Berton have done more for my grasp of history than any other source, teachers included. (Sorry, fellow-pedagogues.)

We are well on our way to that time of year where basic history, common sense, and economic restraint are tossed out the window for the better part of two months. We call it Christmas. In other, more repressive regimes (read: parts of the USA, for example), you would not be allowed to call it that; you would have to use the correct term "yuletide" or "winter celebration." (Did I say some thing about basic history already?)

You know and I know that there are great, traditional songs, with moving and meaningful words, having their roots in the verifiable account of the Good Book. Then there are silly, goofy ditties that, to me, are embarrassing, glib renditions of an awesome message. Finally, there is a third category - some substance, some bounce, but not terribly reverent.

In other words, there is no real historical substance, but nothing really glaringly stupid. Almost, but not quite.

A good journalist would ask the following questions at this point: Who wrote it? When and why was it written? To whom was it written? Where did it get written? How did it ever become a song-ditty-carol? and Are there any more questions before we move on the next point? Good.

I have a few suggestions as to where some of the Category Three songs have come from. There is absolutely no historical evidence for the following, just a some historical fun. Talk about creative revisionism: You ought to read the new Social Studies texts that we are supposed to teach. At least I admit that I'm not serious. But I digress. Let me "help" you with three of them.

You are aware that "The Twelve Days of Christmas" has an Olympic backdrop, aren't you? How else could you explain the "five golden rings"? (They simply changed colour over the years). The "lords a-leaping" were part of an all-male cheerleading team (in all likelihood Greek nationals), decades before women were allowed to carry out that role. Finally, the fowl (partridge, turtledoves, calling birds, geese, and swans), suggest the enormous feeding demands for such a huge crowd.

"Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" sounds more like a symbol for Big Brother. Or, it could also signify the Second Coming of Christ. Either way, the song sounds like St. Nick is basically omniscient (all-knowing) and almost omnipresent (all-present), and he is neither. The hint that every child everywhere needs to curb his or her bad behaviour is funny on the surface, but scary when you really think about it.

If Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer had human feelings, I think he would be devastated to hear people talk about his shiny nose the way they do. After all, even his fellow-reindeer used to laugh and call him names. I know people with shiny, red noses, and I have a pretty good idea why they got them – maybe too much Christmas cheer, all year long. One wonders was in those round bales.

So that's it: A little creative, a little revisionistic. I'll be back next week, after I check the malls for wads of jelly.