A Cold Winter

Let's see: It's been cold, snowy, windy, and miserable only twice in the last four weeks - the last two weeks of December and the first two weeks of January. Thank the Lord above for global warming. There isn't any way that Brother Al Gore would be mistaken, is there?

You probably heard, as I did, that this past Christmas was the first in decades where there was a white Christmas from coast to coast in Canada. Oh, that's so romantic, not. I am no longer in a romantic mood, dreaming of a white Christmas. I may dream in colour-vision, but white isn't one of them. My driveway looks best with that sort of gravel-look. My rule of thumb for climate control is this: snow on the fields, but nothing on the roads.

I assume you have no idea where I live (and I'm not actually inviting you over for coffee at this point), but my house is perched on the edge of a coulee. In addition to not having access to high-speed internet because of its location, the location also makes it tough for driving up and out of my driveway. It is the hardest part of my commute. I've taken to parking my van up on a ridge the night before, if I know there is going to be a snow issue the next morning, just to ensure I can get out.

(I can just hear myself phoning the boss man: " Sorry, sir, but I won't be coming to work today – can't seem to get detached from my driveway.")

I know all the reasons why lots of cold and snow is good: Kills the bugs, fills the coulees and thrills the kids. Okay, okay, point made: Now, can I go play tennis?

As I write this, I am listening to 1130AM out of Vancouver (somehow I can pick that up better than anything out of Calgary. Maybe too much snow in the airwaves). There's flooding here, mudslides there, and they are reporting the same everywhere on both sides of the 49^th parallel. I guess from Vancouver to Seattle it is one huge pool. I knew people in Lotusland were all wet, but this is ridiculous. At least out here we just sink, but we don't swim.

I have found out since living here in Alberta that talking about the weather is no longer mere small talk. It also may be the rural-versus-urban tension: In the city, bad weather is an inconvenience, whereas in the country is a lifestyle. I'm a city boy in a country setting, so I guess I'm stuck with an inconvenient lifestyle betimes (which is not the same as an inconvenient lie.)

The Weather Guy on QR77AM stated the other day that this may be our winter spanking (my words). This crummy spell usually comes later, either late January-early February or else in late April-early May. I hope he's right. And we should believe him: When he predicts the daily forecast, we buy in to it. I could handle a balmy -10 for the next couple of months.

My sources list secular scientist after secular scientist (unnamed and unknown to me) debunking the whole global warming tripe. I could have told you that, but I am no scientist. I'm just a mere commoner. Hearing Gore spout off about something that misleading makes me shudder, considering he almost became president of the United States four years ago. Even makes Obama look appealing.

Bad weather impacts everything we touch – be it livestock, vehicles, family, or houses. Bad weather makes us also appreciate the good weather even more. I won't go so far as to say that it has been fun for the past few weeks – that would be an asinine statement. I will say, however, that after a hard task outside in freezing weather, there is nothing better than coming in for a hot cup of coffee, then curling up with a good book or watching a great movie.

On other other hand, if global warming ever kicks in, I could come in after sandbagging my driveway for an ice cappuccino, then watching"The March of the Penguins." Naw, I would be only dreaming – of a white Christmas.