Mulling over his question got me thinking about the challenges we fathers face on a regular basis. I just trust someday I will have the answer he is looking for.
As Father's Day has just past, you have possibly wondered the same thing, namely, is being a father worth it these days? (Or you may be wondering, on the other hand, what to do with that gaudy tie you got.) There are sitcoms after comedies, movies after documentaries regarding inept, bumbling and idiotic fathers. Truth be told, there may be some facts in there somewhere. We all know of deadbeat dads. Today, I want to briefly discuss "livebeat" dads.
I continue to be moved (and relieved) by movies that portray fathers in a good light, even an exceptional light. Two that come to mind are "The Secret Garden" and "Finding Nemo." I won't go into details regarding a father's love for his son – a cripple boy and a lost boy, respectively – as you likely know the storyline. If for no other reason, it at least gives the rest of us dads excellent role models for what a father can do to to repair and renew broken relationships.
I am sure I have dabbled in my grammar rant here before about fathers: Anyone can be a verb father (ie., to father a child), but it takes a real man to be a noun father (to be a father to a child). Fatherhood is much, much more than a one-night tryst. I don't know which is worse: raising a child in a fatherless environment, or doing away with the unwanted pregnancy (we call it abortion) because there will be no father to help raise the child.
Either way, the moral, financial and emotional cost of such wanton disregard for life is incalculable.
I am on the electronic mailing list from the president of a positive prison outreach. You may have heard of him, a Mr. Chuck Colson. The incredible work that he and his team are doing in hundreds of prisons throughout North America is overwhelming. One of the things he is adamant about is the fact that much of the crime rate in North America (for starters) stems from homes where boys were raised without fathers.
My encouragement today is those who take fatherhood (versus fathering) seriously. The first step is being committed for life to the mother of the children you are responsible for. Easy? Sorry, I never said it would be easy. Marriage is work, good homes take effort, but the result is the difference between a society that is stable and secure, versus one that is going nowhere but down.
You're thinking "over-simplification" and I actually might even agree with you a little. However, I suggest that homes where the parents are committed to each other and the kids (and in that order, by the way) are producing healthier, happier, and stronger kids than not. Families need consistent parenting and the balance between a father's firmness and a mother's softness is the right combination.
You must understand my heart when I state the above: I am not dismissing the grief of an unwanted separation or divorce; nor am I saying that single parent (mom or dad) can't raise good kids. I simply maintain that a two-parent home is ideal – and by extension, the culture thrives – when fathers and mothers have their head in the game of raising kids.
Fatherhood has been one of the greatest challenges in my life. I have stayed committed to my wife in every possible way and have attempted to model a good life before my kids for the past 28 and 26 years, respectively. Still, I personally feel like a failure most days. Perhaps you do, too. I am committed to raising these kids to be active, positive contributors to the culture around them, at least to the best of my conviction.
And, Abel (he's the Son Number Five), with regard to to your question about fatherhood: Yes, I like being a father most days. And I trust that my love for you and your siblings comes through clearly. Sorry for my perpetual bumbling; I still feel like I am learning the ropes at this.
If you really want to make my day, son, take me out for a meal at Jimmy's.
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