There are fewer joys in life than eating a great meal. By a great meal I mean about six specific dishes that involve chicken or beef or pork. I cannot say which fare I enjoy more, but cordon bleu anything (no, Horace, not a spelling error – just the culture of the cuisine, literally meaning "blue ribbon") is right up there with mozzarella sticks. And a good cheese and bacon and onion hamburger, I believe, could very easily be the fare of heaven – or would that be angel food cake?
We're not talking health foods here, people. I would rather eat fun and die young, than eat gloomy and die old. Okay, okay, a little over-simplification, I admit, but eating should be a pleasure. When it comes to good food, I've always wondered if the grass and beans and raw veggies are really worth the nutrition value they are purported to be.
And I've also often wondered just how the experts know exactly what's good for the gizzard.
That old truism - "the fastest way to man's heart is through his stomach" - still holds fast today. I will admire almost anyone who is able to come up with a simple ham and pineapple pizza, topped off with a pumpkin pie and whipping cream. Or at least until the next ham and cheese croissant.
So, when you have the generous urge to take me out for a meal some day, you will notice that I will scan the menu, giving the impression that I am looking at the overall selection, when in fact I am trying to see which is cheaper – the beef dip or the Denver sandwich. Cheaper is not better, but somehow it seems to taste better if it is less expensive. Or least is does if I'm paying.
However, if you're paying, it's filet mignon all the way.
One rule of thumb when ordering is this: if I can't pronounce it, I don't eat it. Another rule of thumb is to eat meat from an animal I am familiar with. I make exceptions, of course, with dogs and cats. But I am familiar with chicken, beef, pork, and turkey – and I should throw in buffalo for good measure (have eaten it, and it is very good). Over the years, through my various travels, I have been obliged to eat rabbit, seal, shark, and other things I swear were winking at me.
On the home front, I am very pleased to say that I eat very well, and all the thanks goes to my wife. In the main, everything we grow we eat - both inanimate things (eg., potatoes) as well as animate ones (eg., chickens). We also have a salad every night, and after 29 years years of marriage, I am very familiar with the nutritional virtues of romaine lettuce and cole slaw.
As I was recently perusing my second favourite source of information - next to the Good Book, of course (the ultimate source on everything) – I saw a number of witty eateries (and "drinkeries"[?]). If I wanted to open an coffee bar, I would have loved to have had the name "Latte Da," but someone else beat me to the punch (though I don't think they serve punch); or "Pita Pan," (does that mean the food is fairy good?); and "ThaiTanic," though I have no idea what they would serve – iceberg lettuce, maybe?
And if I were to open an eating place somewhere in our beloved county, I would likely start with a pizza joint. It takes up less space and the toppings are varied enough, yet with just singular base. What would I call it? Glad you asked: Pizza Mine. Or perhaps The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
Once that became a roaring success, I would naturally target the dessert crowd. Same thing: Start with something really, really, basic, as in serving only pie. There could be lots of different fillings, but again, like the pizzeria, just one simple base – the crust itself.
I know you're waiting for yet another El Fungo quip here. I'm leaning toward Pie Face, or perhaps even Just Desserts. Ultimately, I would add an ice cream bar on the side, with the name, Li'l Deuce Scoop. (That's for my fellow-Beach Boys aficionados.)
Anyways, just a little food for thought for you.
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