It is axiomatic that if you want the phone to ring, take a shower. And if you want a little snow still, take off your winter tires. Or, as in my case last week, put away your boots, toque and gloves. In fact, hide your snow brush and scraper, spring has sprung.
Last week was one of the most bizarre stretch of varied weather that I have seen in a long time, maybe in all my years in Alberta. From happy and hot one day to blustery and brutal the next, it had everything, and then some. In fact, the change in weather could have been measured in hours, not days. Even though I should, I don't always believe the weather report, especially while sitting in a lawn chair in my shorts and muscle shirt, looking cool.
Okay, okay, I lie: no muscle shirt, no cool look. I suppose that would be a paisley-patterned turtleneck and a glass of water.
Usually the weather network is pretty close to reality. When I saw a clear blue sky on the way to work the other day, I found it hard to believe that there would be ten-to-fifteen centimetres of that white stuff (aka snow) on the way home, with an ugly blast, to boot. Well, they were right and I was wrong - very, cold cold and wet wrong by the time I pulled in for supper.
Oftentimes the hardest part of my trip to and from work is the driveway – my driveway, to be precise – and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't know if I could bribe the area contractor to spring into action every time we got a smattering of snow. Fresh coffee and homemade bread, perhaps?
In BC, I enjoyed both seasons, wet and wetter. Well at least we did on the coast. During my Kamloops days, of course, we faced the issue of (the not-so-modern phenomena) climate change on a regular basis – seasons we used to call them. They just weren't so fickle, so capricious, like they are here in southern Alberta; they were so much more predictable.
It's like the weatherman is in a bad mood and wants to get everyone mad at him. You and I know that he has nothing to do with it, but we still hold him responsible for icy road conditions, bitterly cold gales, and inhumane conditions. But he is as good as anyone to get mad at.
Even though he's still only the messenger, we still want to shoot him.
Next to the latest price of one of the grains, or the fate of the leadership of the Calgary Flames, weather tends to be probably the most talked-about subject, anywhere - be it by the water cooler, in the coffee shop, or at the family table. And like the topic of grains or Flames, there is not much else to do about it but talk.
Although I suppose if we all talked about it, we might create some hot air and that could change the atmospheric pressure, which would make it warmer, which would make life easier for all. If that was the case, however, why do they still get snow on Parliament Hill? There's got to be enough hot air over there to melt a glacier.
So, put those snow tires back on, go find those boots, toques, and gloves. It's not even the end of May yet, so don't be so presumptuous. The only safe thing to do is probably stay home and wait out each blizzard. In fact, there's nothing better than hanging out at home, drinking a fresh pot of coffee, and reading a good book. Maybe even take in a quick shower.
Just make sure your phone is nearby.
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