Ode to a Deer

 

Years ago, when I was in a much simpler mindset, I ran over a possum. Not only did I kill the thing, I actually went home and—get this—wrote a poem about it. I felt so terrible about my misdeed that I even "humanized" it; that is, I gave it human qualities, thus making that road kill equal to vehicular homicide.

Times have changed and I can assure you that I no longer write poems about animals I kill.

Case in point: A few days ago, I met a deer on my way to work. It wasn't a formal meeting, but it was a final one, at least for the deer. I didn't even have a nano-second to stop, likely a blessing, considering the weather conditions at 6:30 AM. Had I braked, for example, I may have done some very serious damage to my truck, my body and someone's ditch.

It has been a busy process since then, what with autobody shops, insurance adjusters and brokers, plus a visit to the local RCMP detachment. I don't know how it will all work out, but my truck looks really beat up and it may have to be written off.

Since my emigration to Alberta years ago, I have developed a different, more balanced, take on wildlife. In a domestic sense, I have discovered the supreme value of cats (mousers, Horace, they eat mice). I have also seen the futility of a cow not calving for a year or two; we now call that hamburger.

Outside the fence, I repeat the following phrase, with inter-changeable parts: "The only good coyote is a dead coyote." (The inter-changeable parts, for the record, would be replacing the word 'coyote' with the word(s) fox, badger, or gopher.)

I like comics and cartoons as much as the next 56-year-old, but when an animal is given all the same qualities that a human has, then we have gone too far. Mankind is at the top of the food chain; we are the stewards of the natural and living resources beneath us, and we should take that role very, very seriously. That is both a Biblical tenet as well as a scientific one (and those two mindsets usually go hand in hand). If it was carried out the way it should be, our world would be both kinder and safer.

Case in point: when a punk drags a dog down the middle of the street in Smalltown, Alberta, he should be nailed; and when an oil corporation inadvertently kills hundreds of ducks in their tailing pond, there needs to be some sort of accountability. We simply need to take care of our animals.

One of the confusing facets of a spiraling culture (like ours) is that we de-humanize mankind and "in-humanize" animals. The former leads to the murder of unborn babies, the abuse of women and children, whereas the latter creates a senseless and unworkable equality. In other words, the heartless killing of an animal is not on the same level as the mindless killing of a human. There needs to be rules and restrictions, just different rules and restrictions.

Let me re-state this: I believe we as humans must treat all wildlife humanely, whether they are pets or prey. Feed them well or kill them quickly, respectively. That would be a summation of my position. As you know, I don't hunt, but I don't begrudge the joy of hunting to anyone. When the natural cycle of hunter and hunter, be it human and animal or animal and animal, is out of whack, you have an imbalance, not unlike the one that southern Montana has, with wolves and deer.

The fences and overpasses along some of our major highways are steps in the right direction, albeit an expensive one, in preserving and protecting our wildlife from unnecessary death. Even so, deer, moose, and bear remain significant road kill (and railway kill, for that matter) throughout Alberta.

So I killed a deer the other day. I don't feel good or bad about it, just bothered by it. Bothered by everything that I have to go through, what with all the legal and financial fuss that has followed. But at least I got more fodder for a column out of it. At least I'm not writing a poem.