I suppose there's nothing worse for me as a parent than having one of my kids lie to me. An occasional lie, of course, is bound to happen, but when it is habitual, all sense of trust and confidence goes out the window.
I suggest a series of lies in a short period of time can cripple trust for a lifetime.
But what if the shoe is on the other foot? That is, what if the parent lies to the child, or by extension, an authority lies to a subordinate? Children have been known to be devastated for life when they discover that Mom or Dad has lied to them—be it in the form of misrepresentation, exaggeration, flattery, or even an over-reaction to things. These are all forms of lying.
Whether parents/adults wittingly lie (in any of its varied forms), I cannot judge. I certainly would never intentionally lie to my kids. Have I, though? Probably. But the following is something that I would never say to my own children, my own students, or any other vulnerable child in my jurisdiction:
"Go ahead, have a drink—maybe even get drunk. After all, graduation comes around only once in a lifetime. There's no harm in getting sloshed." My outrage here has been brought on by a conversation I overheard at a local food joint the other day. The kids in question were gloating over their exploits of the night before. For myself, I would have been ashamed as a kid to even think like that, let alone talk like that; and now that I'm a parent, I would have been ashamed to have my kids bragging about how drunk they got, and what they did when they were drunk.
I have no idea if any parent allows a little indulgence for grad night or not, so I tread lightly here. But to think that perhaps any parents were implicitly involved in allowing their kids to get drunk, using the "it's-the-thing-to-do" argument, is, well, outrageous.
This lie, this minimalizing of getting hammered on graduation night, is a regrettable lie that too many parents in too many Albertan communities foist on their young people around this time of year. It has been that way for years, indeed decades, and seems to have no end in sight.
I remember my eldest brother telling me about some of the grads puking in the school bathroom on graduation night back in Richmond, BC. That was back in the Dark Ages of '64. Even at my young, impressionable age of 10, I was, uh, unimpressed.
Getting drunk is bad enough, but to trivialize it is very sad. I can't begin to tell you how many lives have been lost or destroyed, how many marriages have been weakened or wiped out, or the incalculable cost to the economy because of this lie.
There are better, wiser ways to celebrate this rite of passage. Something called Dry Grad is a good place to start. A special meal out with families and close friends is another option. That's what I did. There is no inherent need to make a complete fool of oneself, simply because "everybody's doing it." There needs to be more courage of conviction, if not on the part of the grad, at least on the part of the parent.
Maybe the word "no" comes into play here, as in "No, we're not celebrating that way," or "No, that sort of behaviour is irresponsible.
I know this sounds so antiquated, so old-fashioned to many. So be it. We tend to assume too many things are the norm in our culture, with adolescent drinking being just one of them. And I think it's healthy to question certain assumed social behaviours.
You see, if I tell you the wrong thing, when I know better, that's a form of lying; but when I don't speak up about a wrong thing, that's yet another form of lying. And no adult should should ever be guilty of hiding the truth, right?
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