Two days ago we celebrated Father's Day, in one form or another. It's possibly the one day of the year many of us take time out to acknowledge our fathers in a special way. I'm hoping it's more frequent than that, but at least the calendar (and the card shops, and the malls, and the radio ads)—to say nothing of societal pressure—says it's Father's Day.
Obviously, in a world as upside down as ours, there are various ways to celebrate the big day, as there are various dads to celebrate it for.
A brief grammar lesson is in order here: There are dads who are verbs and dads who are nouns. The difference? Under normal circumstances, any male can “father” a child—that would be the verb dad, a word of action. However, it takes a special man to be a father to a child (or children). That would be the noun part of this lesson.
I suggest we have far too many of the verb version and and not enough of the noun version.
Let's look at the fathers we all had. Some we treasured because they were around and engaged; others were never there, or at least seemed that way, in part, because they were so consumed with putting food on the table that they never ever put sustenance for the soul. They had better relationships with clients who were strangers than with their own kids.
The rest of our dads fell somewhere in between.
My own father has been gone for over twenty years. He was part of that generation (eg., old enough to fight in World War II) that had a certain leadership style in the home. My generation, on the other hand, has a different approach to fathering. The next generation, well, they're different again.
But through all the surface differences, I do see some distinct similarities that mark all fathers. These are in part because of how we are wired--”created,” many would say. Here are some broad stroke comments on just a few of them:
1. Every father has limitations. We are human, just like mothers. We have never fathered before, will never father again, so we have only one chance at this. Sometimes we try so hard with our first two or three, that we come across as too harsh or possessive. By the time we get down to the youngest, we tend to be too soft, perhaps even too distant.
I know it's a bit of a joke, but sometimes we can do with our grandchildren what we failed to do with our children. By the time the grand kids come around, we have more time, more money, more know-how than we did the first time around.
2. Every father has hopes. No father wakes up each morning, scheming how to mess with his kids' heads, or how to thwart their progress. No, every father generally sees that individual child possessing the potential for greatness, glory, and success. At least that's what he hopes for. Many times--far too many times, in fact--he is unable to express said hopes in words and actions. That breakdown leads to exasperation with both parties.
3. Every father has resistance. When was the last time you watched a television show, especially a comedy, and saw the dad cast in a positive light? How about custody cases? Have you ever heard the term, “deadbeat mom”? (Didn't think so.) While I agree with the trend that the mothers are the most natural caregivers for the children, we need to err on the side of caution before we arbitrarily dismiss the importance of the father in the lives of the children.
4. Every father has significance. Beyond providing for the welfare of the family through steady, meaningful employment, dads have a myriad of tasks and roles to fill. Simply “being there” is likely the greatest of them all. I won't give you an inventory list of what makes a good dad, but I suggest that serving the family by training, leading, and supporting, is a good place to start.
I am not denying the pain caused by abusive dads for a moment. Nor am I ignoring the grief caused by dads who weren't characterized by the above comments. I am simply making some broad stroke observations. I am clearly aware of what happens when girls don't get the attention from the one man they need it from the most; I am likewise aware of the alarming stats that show what happens to boys coming from fatherless homes.
That's why dads, the church, and the government (in that order, no less), should be exerting more effort to keep families together, rather than allowing for easy divorce, common law relationships, or anything else that would grease the skids of absentee and disengaged fathers.
So, dads, I hope you had a great Father's Day on Sunday For that matter, I trust you can make every day a father's day.
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