A quick review is in order: This ninth commandment ("do not lie") is possibly the most widespread of all the commandments in our society that I know of. That may sound like an exaggeration, which can be a form of lying, so I need to be cautious here. However, I don't think I am over-stating the facts on this one.
There are two extremes to note here: one involves covering up, deceiving, and misleading those around us; the other is being tactless about feelings, opinions, and fears. The balance is found somewhere in the middle.
That's why we all need a few, close friends. Having no trustworthy companions is such a tragedy. While we may not be able to share our innermost thoughts with everyone, it is absolutely necessary to be free with select intimates. Having very few real friends (not the Facebook type, of course) could lead to delusional behaviour, misunderstanding, and frustration--all recipes for disaster.
Peer pressure (aka trying to impress others) is a sure contributor to living a life of lies. The pressure to say, wear, or be certain things, is immense. Too many of us have this urge to be accepted by others around us. That's just human nature, and I get it.
Have you ever thought about the greeting. "How are you?" I struggle myself with how "honestly" to respond. Unless we're exceptionally guileless (or gutless), we tend to say, "Fine."
What we may want to answer could be along the lines of health, finances, the future, and family life. But we struggle with transparency, so we give an incomplete response. Even Christmas family newsletters and family pictures can fall into that category: We do our best to portray a year (and family) that went along swimmingly well, when, in fact, it didn't.
Can I call that a lie? That seems like a stretch, so possibly not, but it's close. It probably falls into the category of conventional civility, an unintentional fib, if you will. The point is, we want to say this, but we feel we must say that.
I recognize there must be some balance in all this. Being too open can come across as pouty and selfish. I strongly urge a call for greater transparency and vulnerability.
I am also thinking of honest advertising when it comes to pitching homes, hamburgers, and health. Why not list the good, the bad, and the ugly, in the form of open discussion? I would leap at dealing with people like that.
Whether we are professionals in the pulpit, classroom, or courtroom; whether we're plying a trade, dealing with people's health, or serving the public in any capacity, why not exercise a little more honesty?
When I feel I have been lied to by any of the above, I find it difficult to trust them again. How do I know if I am getting the straight goods the next time, when I never got it the first time? Often our response is, "I will never deal with that person again."
Relationships are perhaps the trickiest examples. When there is unfaithfulness in a marriage, followed by a promise to change one's ways, that's a bitter pill to swallow. Can the unfaithful partner be trusted again, even though they lied?
And when kids lie to parents about random sex, drug use, and constant stealing, trust is broken. How can it be restored to what it once was? If there has been deception then, how can a parent tell if
there's no deception now?
So, you can see that implementing a "no lying" policy has much benefit for our society.
As this New Year kicks in, I challenge you to tackle this ninth commandment in a very personal way.
Look for ways to stop the "deception, exaggeration, whopper, or embellishment; [or it could be] a fib, falsehood, fabrication, or flattery," a direct quote from the beginning of last week's column (that's why I use those squiggly things).
But one thing I can assure you here and now: I have never misled you in this column. You have my word on that.
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