In case you didn't notice, this coming Sunday is Father's Day. Whether you're a father or not, you at least had a father and it would be appropriate to honour him.
"Honouring" can take different forms these days, from gifts to texts to phone calls, maybe even a meal out. Probably at this stage of his life a quick text would be fine, though texting may not work if he is screen-challenged.
If you text him, he can read your kind words over and over again. However, if you phone him, just hearing your voice can also go a long way. I have experienced this myself on occasion.
I know there are severe circumstances that may preclude you from doing this. They could be that your dad was abusive (physically, sexually, religiously, or emotionally). Maybe he was never interested in your world in your growing up years, or not involved in your life from the get-go. Perhaps he bolted at the announcement of your mother's pregnancy (so you never knew him).
These are tragedies of the highest order and if you experienced them, I sincerely feel badly for you. With all my failings as a father, at least I was around my children all the time (working outside the home, notwithstanding, in my duty as a provider). Sometimes when I consider any success within my home, it was despite of me, not because of me. (I am not leaving my wife out, but, after all, this is a father-focused column.)
There are books galore on what it means to be a good dad. I've read some of them, and should read more. There is actually another "book," albeit an unwritten one, that is right near the top, namely, life itself.
In other words, you learn as you go.
That doesn't mean that there is no help available for learning fatherhood skills, but sometimes it's a matter of learning by doing. Another factor, of course, is when we have had a good father ourselves, like I did.
The greatest weakness with what I just said is that fatherhood sometime messes with little people—as in our first- and second-borns--—and they often get the brunt of our inadequacies and inexperience.
For my wife and me, we were far more consistent and disciplined with our eldest kids than with the younger ones. I have seen that lightening up in dozens of families. I'm sure some of the older kids in these families resent what they see younger ones getting away with.
That's because we did what we did in light of what we knew back then. A lot of things change within the family structure over a span of twenty to thirty years, and not always for the better.
Let me give you a brief list:
1. communication: I remember in our earlier years that we had a party line phone line (we shared the line with four other homes; and believe me, it was no "party"). Now, every home has multiple phones and many other forms of electronic toys. Back in those primitive years, we had far more control as to what came into our home. That clearly detracts from good fathering skills.
2. information: our own development as parents changes over the decades. We gain further insight on "this matter," or distance ourselves from "that viewpoint." Moving from neophytes to old-timers (from greenhorn to grey hair?) methods change. They shouldn't necessarily, but they do.
3. family size and finances are two other key factors that impact family life, and the role of fathers in particular. As each increase, decisions are affected.
On the one hand, fatherhood is a thankless vocation: Fathers get attacked via movies, social media, regular media, society at large, and even from their kids. But on the other hand, there is no greater joy to see our kids finally grow up and become independent, mature members of this our society.
In fact, that satisfaction could be one of the the greatest Father's Day gifts of all.
No comments:
Post a Comment