The one thing I have never been is a fighter. Just because I smell like a boxer, eat like a Sumo wrestler, and think like a thug, does not mean I am tough or brawny. And no, there is no truth to the rumour that I must register my hands in every town I stop at – register them as lethal weapons, that is.
While I hesitate to call boxing a sport, I certainly wouldn't say that to any boxer himself, especially if he was any tougher or taller than me. On the other hand, I have no problem viewing wrestling as sport, unless it is that sham called WWF (which stands for, I believe, "wildly, wantonly fake").
I say the preceding in light of the fact that it is International Conflict Resolution Day today. The full meaning of the Day is as follows: 'International' means this is an opportunity for nations around the world; and 'Conflict Resolution' means that disagreements and differences can be resolved without guns, fists, or even screaming. Or throwing shoes.
As international as the day can be, it can also be as local as your family, my family, every family. Many of us would love to have others assume that our kids are great, that our parenting skills are fantastic, and that our homes are modicums of peace. Or, we may know the above isn't true, but, in turn, feel that other families have it all together.
Neither view is valid, so the sooner we nix them, the better.
Let's get up close and personal and talk about our own families. After all, if the home is wobbly, the community is weak; if the community is weak, the province is fragile; and if the province is fragile, then the country is in deep trouble.
Whew! I think I just described Canada. Perhaps the main reason why we have law and order issues, economic issues, moral issues – I think I'll stop here, it's getting too depressing – is because we have homes with issues, homes that do not resolve their conflicts well.
If I could format my column differently, I'd have a couple of columns with checklists. On one checklist I would have an inventory listing the causes of conflict; on another, I would have ways these conflicts are resolved. The first checklist would include the following: dress code, language, computer use, habits, chores, money matters, and a few more; on the second list I would lay out reactions, such as swearing, punching, throwing, ignoring, running, phoning and texting, and finking (good ole' 60's word!).
There actually needs to be a third list, but few of us want to bother with it. It would suggest methods of resolution – methods such as lowering one's voice, waiting to calm down, picking both the reason for battle and the timing of the battle, and working with tactful phrases, such as "I have a little trouble with that," or "let's talk about this over a fresh pot of coffee and doughnuts, my treat."
We need to react really fast when one of our kids is in danger, but really slowly when the relationship is in danger. React, yes; but it often boils down to how we react. To my shame, my earlier years in teaching were marked (and marred) by the wrong kind of reaction occasionally – and it often alienated my students. I believe I have learned how to handle adverse situations better over the years. I think that's called maturity.
Much grief would be diminished if only we could resolve conflicts amicably and sensibly. No doubt we can all think back at some sorry, spontaneous reaction on our part that exacerbated the situation far beyond its necessary bounds. In other words, we over-reacted, and are quite likely paying the price in broken relationships and shattered trust.
While I don't want you to have a scene at your place tonight, if there is perchance a disagreement between you and yours, try the following approach: Take a deep breath before responding; indicate that you are "struggling with this issue" and need clarification; admit that there might be some misunderstanding, with a sincere promise to actively resolve it. That would be a a great start, perhaps even a great end, to the problem.
However, if that doesn't work, threaten them with a visit from one of your favourite newspaper columnists. I'll do my best to not have a screaming fit. I even promise to not throw my shoe.
No comments:
Post a Comment