Ways to Save at Christmastime

Did you hear the one about the Three Wisemen from the East? Apparently they stopped in Ottawa and formed a coalition. One source told me that they were Dopey, Grumpy, and Sleepy; another source hinted that they were actually three brothers: Gord, Murray, and Frank Insens.

Seriously, folks, how was your Christmas? Somewhere between the turkey that you had for supper (double entendre, people) and the fat old man that left you gifts (another double entendre), Christmas 2008 is history. Or, as some wag (that would be me) put it: The presents are past, and it's time to return that pink tie, those red socks, and cash in that gift card at your local Starb_cks.

This is the week known all over the world - or maybe just in my mind - as "All-I-got-for-Christmas-were-my-two front-teeth-but-they-are-the-wrong-size" Week.

I enjoy this season as much as any little kid. And when I was a kid, I had minimal expenses. Now, I cringe when I discover how much we have paid for gifts, even though we as a family work within the constraints of a very responsible budget. My angst, as you have read here ad nauseam, lies with the excessive secularism and commercialism of this time of year. But enough said from that platform. Is there anything you would like to change for next year? This is the time to write it down, while your frustration (or creativity) level is at its peak.

Let me make a few suggestions as to what might work:

One, draw names within the family. In other words, not everyone needs to buy for everyone else. That means that you will likely be able to put more money towards good, quality gifts (read: gifts that make it past January), and hopefully, you will get the same in kind. In our home, kids draw names for kids, and not for parents. (I should quickly clarify that while kids should and could buy gifts for parents, it's just not part of the draw.)

Two, plan special events that do not involve spending too much money. When one is forced to because of economic restraints, there is no choice. However, when you choose to, somehow it has more meaning. Let me suggest the following: bowling, sledding, entertaining, plus all-night DVD sessions, all-day board game tournaments, and maybe even a pjyama day, – just for starters. These are not mere suggestions: We have done them for years and they work.

And three, stay around the house more than usual. It's cheaper, warmer, and safer to hang around the old homestead during these wintry days and nights. It is nice to lay low for the few days around Christmas, what with the rest of the year being crazy enough. Myself, no matter how good the deals are on Boxing Day, I wouldn't even dream of venturing out to Lethbridge or Medicine Hat for a 7:00 AM door-crasher special. I can crash my own door at 9:00 AM, thank you very much.

By the way, if you ever come across those three wise guys from the East, just tell them to keep going (try North Korea, Somalia, or Pakistan). We don't need anymore cold, murmuring Frankensteins bothering us.

Have a great New Year.

Christmas Gifts

I find it really hard to cruise the malls these days without buying every single gift that calls my name. I am a sucker for all the slick packaging, glossy paper, and gift boxes. Fortunately, I am as poor as a GM executive – okay, I don't have my own Learjet – and I also have a wife who keeps me accountable.

So if you were hoping for a little gift from me this year, dream on.

The one "gift" I suppose I have is that of humourous writing (at least I hear that), so I will pass out a few goodies as we slink towards the big day. If I leave you off my list, don't take it personally. You may even want to take it as a backhanded compliment: For the most part, I am doling gifts out to those who seem to really need them, this year especially.

Mats Sundin. May you enjoy your stint in Vancouver. After years and years of futility in Toronto, I think anywhere - including Atlanta – would be a welcome relief. I know it was a struggle to accept the five million dollars for playing hockey for half a year, but I am sure you can get by on that. Myself, I'd play forty games for a paltry one million dollars, even if it was in Calgary. Go, Canucks, go.

Barack Obama. May you have good experience as early as possible in your presidency. And then may it long continue. After all, you are entering the leadership of arguably the greatest nation on earth, now at one of its lowest points in its existence. And last time I checked, you have absolutely no experience in running a country. It is quite a leap from a senator of one state to the ruler of fifty states, to say nothing of your worldwide impact. If you have any doubt about running the country, consult the media: they think they have all the answers.

Stephen Harper. May you keep your head in the days to come. In fact, stay the course: I like how you responded to the vultures and power-grabbers. True to form, one of the leaders has already bailed out. Here's hoping Gilles Ducepption follows suit. Anyways, Mr. Harper, you did Western Canada proud and we really need a common sense, level-headed leader in these turbulent times. (I suppose you might say he is the only wise man from the East...)

Readers of this column. May you face 2009 with wisdom and courage. Much of the coming year could be caught up with belt-tightening, saying 'no' a few more times, and re-aligning your financial priorities. A little advice here: Talk to your parents or some old-timers in your circle of friends, those that have gone through tough times and survived to talk about it. (Actually, this advice also applies to those who don't read this column.)

More readers of this column. May you feel free to disagree with the style and the content of this column. The editor and publisher have graciously allowed me this opportunity to write on a weekly basis (now in my third year), sometimes funny and sarcastic, sometimes sober and insightful. Whereas, at least when I rant and rave, I have the courage and integrity to sign my name. I assume some of you think I am "off my rocker" with some of the values that I express, and that's okay. Isn't great to live in a country that allows a measure of freedom of speech!

My family. May you enjoy all the changes that are happening all around us – kids graduating, kids getting married, and kids moving on, plus water and appliance and vehicle problems. And don't forget: Four years ago this very night we came home to the smoldering ruins of our wonderful country house. Somehow, through the grace of God and the kindness of our friends here in the County of Forty-Mile, we have made it so far.

To quote Tiny Tim: May God bless us, everyone. And to quote me: Have a Merry Christmas.

Politics of Zimbabwe

I have always suffered, if that is the correct term, from wanderlust. I have travelled across most provinces in Canada, except for PEI; I spent most of my life in BC, and parts of my summers in Newfoundland. I also taught school overseas, in an impoverished yet beautiful country called El Salvador.

Now the extent of my travelling is to Lethbridge, Calgary, and Stony Plain, with side trips to Vauxhall.

I don't mind staying here in Alberta, or even Canada, for that matter. I think I know the way its people operate; I am a third-generation Irish-Canadian myself and this is home. It has the variety yet similarity in language, geography, ethnicity, and culture. While there are days that I cannot honestly answer the question, 'What is a Canadian?', I don't think I wouldn't intentionally do anything to alter the fabric of this glorious nation, unless through bona fide, civil means.

A few weeks ago, I went to the polls, along with millions of others and voted for the people I thought would run this country most responsibly. Many of you know my views on politics, though you certainly don't know why. And had a different party been voted in, I would have been sad and disappointed. But at least I would have respected the voice of the people.

As I sit and write these words, days before you read them and days before the infamous December 8 budget deadline, I am shocked to learn that there is an extremely good possibility that the government that was duly elected is about to be dumped. (However, there are some clever and political maneuverings that could forestall that calamity. Please allow for this thing called a 'deadline' to make my column possibly obsolete.)

Replaced how? Replaced when? Replaced by whom? Well, I shudder when I try to answer those questions. The de facto leader of our country will be the same one who was basically thrown out of his own party for leading them to their worst defeat in the recent election. A contributor to this anguish is a leader of a party whose sole interest is the betterment of Quebec – nothing more, nothing less. Finally getting into the action this way, rather than any other way, is the NDP. Check out their record at the province level - any province where they have some power, for that matter - and see if they are fit to possess even one solitary cabinet post.

The apparent reason for the political sandbox pile on is the economic constraints that are plaguing the land. Let me understand this: Because of the serious economic situation in our nation, we are going to accelerate the uncertainty. In other words, we will add further financial instability to existing financial instability. That makes a lot of sense, especially if you are a left of centre or left of left of centre. (Maybe if they simply just left...)

I have no idea if this fiasco called a coalition will even get off the ground. I do know that if they sincerely mean what they say, and you will be hard-pressed to find common Canadians who believe that , they should demand concessions. Bad as that is, at least they would be acting like brats and not bullies. If that doesn't work, then call an election. As expensive and inconvenient as that option is, let the people decide. My, what a novel idea, especially in what was once a democracy. (Or, we could all sit down, hold our breath until we get our way. Oops, it looks like the Liberal-NDP coalition has taken that approach.)

Oh, Canada! Remember my interest in travelling? Part of it lay in going over to Africa some-day. I don't think that is any longer necessary. You see, Africa appears to have come here. Well, sort of.

It's called the Politics of Zimbabwe.

Revising Christmas?

My love of history encompasses both the arts and the humanities. Whether I actually understand anything I read or watch is another discussion. Such venerable authors as James Michener and Pierre Berton have done more for my grasp of history than any other source, teachers included. (Sorry, fellow-pedagogues.)

We are well on our way to that time of year where basic history, common sense, and economic restraint are tossed out the window for the better part of two months. We call it Christmas. In other, more repressive regimes (read: parts of the USA, for example), you would not be allowed to call it that; you would have to use the correct term "yuletide" or "winter celebration." (Did I say some thing about basic history already?)

You know and I know that there are great, traditional songs, with moving and meaningful words, having their roots in the verifiable account of the Good Book. Then there are silly, goofy ditties that, to me, are embarrassing, glib renditions of an awesome message. Finally, there is a third category - some substance, some bounce, but not terribly reverent.

In other words, there is no real historical substance, but nothing really glaringly stupid. Almost, but not quite.

A good journalist would ask the following questions at this point: Who wrote it? When and why was it written? To whom was it written? Where did it get written? How did it ever become a song-ditty-carol? and Are there any more questions before we move on the next point? Good.

I have a few suggestions as to where some of the Category Three songs have come from. There is absolutely no historical evidence for the following, just a some historical fun. Talk about creative revisionism: You ought to read the new Social Studies texts that we are supposed to teach. At least I admit that I'm not serious. But I digress. Let me "help" you with three of them.

You are aware that "The Twelve Days of Christmas" has an Olympic backdrop, aren't you? How else could you explain the "five golden rings"? (They simply changed colour over the years). The "lords a-leaping" were part of an all-male cheerleading team (in all likelihood Greek nationals), decades before women were allowed to carry out that role. Finally, the fowl (partridge, turtledoves, calling birds, geese, and swans), suggest the enormous feeding demands for such a huge crowd.

"Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" sounds more like a symbol for Big Brother. Or, it could also signify the Second Coming of Christ. Either way, the song sounds like St. Nick is basically omniscient (all-knowing) and almost omnipresent (all-present), and he is neither. The hint that every child everywhere needs to curb his or her bad behaviour is funny on the surface, but scary when you really think about it.

If Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer had human feelings, I think he would be devastated to hear people talk about his shiny nose the way they do. After all, even his fellow-reindeer used to laugh and call him names. I know people with shiny, red noses, and I have a pretty good idea why they got them – maybe too much Christmas cheer, all year long. One wonders was in those round bales.

So that's it: A little creative, a little revisionistic. I'll be back next week, after I check the malls for wads of jelly.

Heat in California

I don't know if things can get any hotter in California. You think I am speaking about the grass fires that have destroyed homes, toys, and families in the greater Los Angeles vicinity. Well, yes and no. I am also referring to the outrage on the part of the Prop. 8 losers (read: same-sex marriage).

So when I say hot, I mean angry, ticked off, burning mad, and vindictive. My sources – and they are many and varied, religious and irreligious – have suggested that the losers (must be careful how I use that term) have threatened to burn churches, parishioners and pastors personally, plus many of the blacks who voted against Prop. 8.

The link with the blacks is horribly ironic, and this is the point of this week's column. The promoters of same-sex marriages have considered this rejection akin to the Civil Rights movement of the '50s and '60s. Many of us a) weren't even born then; or, b) were born, but were too young to have any idea what was going on; or c) were born then, knew what was going on, but were so far removed from the South (Alberta to Georgia is a long walk, man); or, d) all of the above.

Talk about hot: If I were a black person today, I would be angry, ticked off, burning mad, and maybe even vindictive. Whether I would stoop to burning, beating, and blacklisting, I cannot say. To be honest, people who choose certain lifestyles can live in those lifestyles, but they certainly have no right or business destroying others who do not.

This is not about homophobia – an over-used and abused term, if there ever was one. Just for the record, with all the crass attacks on those who don't buy into that lifestyle, why don't we ever hear the term "heterophobia"? (Freedom of the press, you say? I don't think so.)

So the struggles of people born a certain colour are the same with people who choose a certain lifestyle, right? Hardly. Granted, neither party should be harmed, violated, or abused in any way, shape, or form. I just draw the line when one's ethnicity is compared to one's morality. I also draw the line when innocent people (eg., church-attendees, little old ladies [literally]), and such are harmed, violated, and even abused. No one should be allowed to be a moral bully.

My thoughts go deeper than mere opinion, but I must leave them here on the surface. I find it a sad day in our culture when those who embrace traditional view must fear for their safety. One may counter that those who have differing views on morality have feared for their lives for years, maybe even decades. Granted, and I would quickly and loudly add that that is also a very sad commentary on our culture. In other words, there should never be any gay-bashing, but there should not be any non-gay-bashing, either.

Civil rights (which are rarely very civil) and moral rights (which have little to do with morality). Who's right? Who's wrong? Is there a right and a wrong? The next so-called messiah, Mr. Obama, likely doesn't have the answers, either – no matter what he promised. I posit that when we distance ourselves from sound, moral foundations, we tend to create a very haphazard structure. Unstable, ill-built structures tend to be unsafe places in which to live and thrive.

There should be a coming together of the different factions, a clear-cut discussion as to what is feasible despite our differences. Then, as a result, we could aspire to a greater commitment to the health and welfare of all concerned. If not, we may end up having a greater meltdown in our culture than the current economic one.

In other words, those houses north of Malibu may only be the start of the California heat.

Help! First Aid!

I think I would have made a great EMT, at least until the first phone call came in. That would then be my cue to quit, or at least go on strike. Blood and I do not do well. In case you haven't guessed, I do not watch ER, and I have never rented The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The above serves as a backdrop for my successful completion of a St. John Ambulance First Aid course (Emergency Level, A) the other day. Why I took it, I cannot say. Oh, actually I can: I was told to by the powers-that-be. It also makes sense. When you are around as many kids as I am, both at work and at home, it make sense to know which way to fall when you faint. I even have the opening line memorized: "Hi, I am trained in First Aid. Do you know how to call 9-1-1 – for me?"

We had a combination of DVD and real life practice, plus the usual book work. I did the book work really well; most books aren't too gory. The DVD probably had some lame acting. I can't say that for sure: Everytime the gore started to pour, I took a coffee break. I've never had so much coffee in my life. By the end of the day, I needed my own CPR – Coffee Pot Restriction. I know they probably used ketchup to simulate the blood, but it sure looked real to me. Needless to say, I had a tough time drinking my tomato soup at lunch. It made me feel like a wannabe vampire.

The practice time with the dummies was a bit of a stretch, too. When the instructor told us to place the dummies on the floor, I misunderstood and lay down immediately. Strangely enough, no one wanted to do mouth-to-mouth with me. It was probably the fact that my cherry-red lipstick was running.

I just hate gore. (Well, I don't really hate Gore, I just think he is horribly misguided, and probably needs his mouth bandaged up. But I digress.) It's one think to butcher cows and pigs and chickens, and I have done lots of all of them. But gore, guts, and gashes in humans seems different.

We have been designed (I think I can say that still in Canada) to bleed and breathe. In fact, we are bleeding, breathing mechanisms, and any significant change in how that happens becomes an emergency. How we respond to that is literally a matter of life or death. That's why the other day's workshop should be mandatory for every employer, every farmer, and every person who spends time around people.

I still find it miraculous how the body functions on an involuntary basis, day in and day out. Actually, it's second in, second out. Like most normal operations in life, we don't really appreciate what it does until it doesn't function – just like power, water, food, and money. Being prepared for an emergency in any of these spheres is not negativism; rather, it is pro-activism.

I am grateful for organizations like St. John's Ambulance and the Red Cross. They are present at every game and event (their words) where the public gathers. I would think that a fight in the stands or on the ice would likely be out of their jurisdiction, but at anything in between you would find them bandaging, attending, and soothing.

But it's not everyone's call. First call to the stands to tend a casualty would be my cue to grab a burger and fries. And I would probably ask them to hold the ketchup.

Remembering

"In Flander's Fields" must be one of the most popular poems in Canadian history. It is likely the only poem I remember from my elementary school days, not including Robert Service's gems, of course. I'm sure I am not the only one who can say that. If there was ever an inspired poem, this is it.

As you celebrate Remembrance Day this year, I wonder if you will let the words of this classic poem sink in. And once you do that, let the hidden message of the words sink in. You see, there have been hundreds of wars since this was written, with millions of men and women slaughtered in the name of freedom and liberty. I wonder if Dr. McCrae would be devastated to realize that the so-called war to end all wars was really a mere warm-up act for ongoing national and international fisticuffs.

I suppose I could go into a rant -- and I wouldn't be the first -- and decry the horrible lack of appreciation for those men and women who gave their lives in the name of freedom. But it would be akin to asking people of my generation to appreciate those who didn't have running water, or those of my kids' generation to appreciate those who didn't have computers.

In other words, what we really need is to be without water for a week, then we would really have a sense of what a previous generation has gone through. Or, using the computer argument, we have only dial-up at our place and my kids desperately want high speed. What they actually need is a week without computers at all, then they would appreciate what our generation did without until recently.

My point? It would be easier for all of us to appreciate what these men and women of the uniform have done for us if we experienced a little of it. A little blood here, a little gore here, would go a long way to a greater understanding.

You might think that I am suggesting that we have a war on our own land to understand the terrors of war. Obviously, that is absurd logic, so let's dismiss it. But the question still begs: How do we teach ourselves and successive generations the value of those who gave their lives for our freedom?

Let me try to illustrate again: I never really understood how much my parents did for me until

-- you guessed it -- I became a parent. I find myself, sounding like my own dad more and more, telling my own kids who are now starting to leave the nest the same thing.

Like so many institutions (eg., marriage, church, business) war is most effectively felt, rather than "telt" (a strange variation of the word "told"). Thus, it is crucial that as leaders of our jurisdiction -- be it a family, a class, or even our peers – we make a concentrated effort to re-visit World War I, World War II, the Korean and Vietnam Wars, plus other global skirmishes that Canadians were involved in.

How can that be carried out? Rent a war DVD, but make sure that is an accurate portrayal. Use discretion, but there are few teenagers that are squeamish about gore anymore. Get books out of your local library and spend a few nights reading and connecting with the emotions and encounters of each battle. Read a war poem, especially those written by people who were there. You could even invite a war vet to your home, your club, your school.

No matter what side of the military machine you come down on, the reality is that many, many young people have given their lives for your liberty. The many freedoms that you enjoy came at the ultimate cost, the gift of life.

War may be glorified (dumb) or vilified (dumber), and even modified (dumbest). Get beyond the boardroom decisions, the political maneuverings, the patriotic hype, and simply think of the men and women who put their lives on the line.

After all, we want this to be a day of remembering, not forgetting.

Letter to the President-elect

Just when you have gone to all the effort to put your "X" in the little box, here comes another election. Fortunately, we don't have to vote this time, as it is the American presidential election. Unfortunately, however, even though we don't get to vote, whatever the outcome is by late tonight will definitely affect us for the next few years, depending on various White House decisions at an international level.

I can't vote there but I can write here, so I want to take a slightly different approach in this week's column, namely, an open letter to today's "winner." I put winner in those levitated double commas (ah yes, quotation marks) because I really wonder who would want to be the president of the USA during these chaotic times. And I trust you remain the USA and don't become the DSA (Divided States of America). So, here goes nothing. Or something.

Dear Mr. President-elect:

Congratulations on your victory. I trust the volume of money, hours, and energy that you poured into this campaign was worth the blood, sweat, and tears. If my math is correct, I understand that you raised and spent more money personally than the annual operating budget of many Third World countries.

Please be a nice boy now and don't insult everyone and everything that gets in your way, like you did for the past two years. If my kids talked that way to anyone, at any time, they would be sent to the doghouse, not to the White House.

By the way, I have a few suggestions how to run your country. I don't know much about running a country of 330 million people (not counting the illegals), but there are some principles that I have learned from running a home of eleven.

1. Stop spending money that you don't have. We are facing serious, serious financial issues because of wanton, careless spending habits. As a family man, if I did that, I would have been bankrupt years ago. In fact, look over at the thousands of citizens in your country who are facing just that. They are microcosms of the government, so be careful.

2. Speaking of money, when you throw money at (or is it throw money away?) those banana republics, those dictatorships, and other fledgling democracies, make sure there is some accountability - especially in the areas of law, education, and health. If I were to throw my money away to any one of my kids, I would like to know what it is being spent on, how useful the purchase will be, and so on. Anything less would be irresponsible on my part.

3. Deal with the problem of people entering your country, be they so-called illegals (coming in to work) or visitors (coming in to shop). I am tired of the grilling I get when I cross the border, with the patrol treating me like I am a neo-terrorist. Mr. President-elect, I can't even even spell al-Quieda. Al Kydah? Elk Hide-a? I come into your country to visit or to spend money. That helps your economy. Don't make it a burden for me to enter.

4. Please leave our natural resources alone. And I am speaking specifically about crude oil and fresh water. I know you have lots and lots of oil reserves both in the land and in the sea. I'm sure you have as many dead dinosaurs as we do. And as for water, go jump in your own lakes.

5. One final note: Could we have some of our hockey teams back? I am thinking of the hockey "hotbeds" of Phoenix, Tampa Bay, and Anaheim. (not). I can see it now: Saskatoon Coyotes, Hamilton Lightning, Halifax Ducks.

That's it for now. I hope my advice helps you get off to a good start. Call me anytime. You'll likely find me trying to make sure my own home is in order. Not a bad thing to be doing in these tough times.

Elections

I'm not sure if I want to ever be an elected official in either Edmonton or Ottawa. So if you have any urge to vote for me, please don't. On the other hand, if you have an urge to buy me a doughnut (note proper spelling) at the R______ P__, please do.

Just a casual reflection of the most-recent election here and the soon-to-be election there makes me shudder. It seems you are only as popular as your most recent poll, and that only counts if you are actually leading.

Let's see: Harper comes back, perhaps not as powerfully as he wanted, but he certainly did increase his government's seats. Dion, on the other hand, lost ground big time, and he is on his way out the proverbial door. In fact, too many of his inner circle supporters(?) are already helping him pack for the one-way trip to Oblivion. (How do you say "Et tu, Brute" in French?)

And to the south of us, there are additional leadership issues. I don't mask my deep admiration for America, and Americans in particular. Nor do I mask my contempt for the left media that eviscerates its right leaders. Truth, I can handle; lies, I can't. The trash talking about Sarah Palin makes me question freedom of speech. If I sat down and wrote certain personal things about Mr. Obama - his race, his religion, his stand on such touchy subjects as abortion, gay rights, illegals (just for starters) – I would be muzzled so quickly, so savagely, that I wouldn't know if I was Marvin or Martha.

Somehow, in our topsy-turvy world, when someone stands up, then stands out, for embracing a more traditional, moral, and thoughtful lifestyle, they are crucified. The only thing missing are the nails. The crowd seems to be still crying, "Away with him (or her)," and a Pilate-like leader is standing nearby, washing his hands of any culpability.

Am I comparing Harper or Palin to Christ? No; that would be sacrilege. I am simply calling to your attention that taking the high road in one's philosophy of leadership is a very unpopular route, one that leads to public attacks, personal vendettas, and general harassment. Teachers or parents that are lax, that maintain low standards, always -- and I repeat 'always' -- produce rotten results. The words chaos, disorder, laziness, and grief come to mind.

There are a lot of things that I could likely disagree with when it comes to Harper and Palin. Throw in a Bush, if you choose. I appreciate a rational Harper, a courageous Palin, and even a bumbling Bush. In the latter's case, I would be thrilled to have a leader, who loves his wife and his country, representing me, rather than some philanderer like Bill Clinton. If you know your American history, you will know that Clinton's conquests were not as rare as once thought.

We need stable leadership in these unstable days. At this point, I don't care what party they represent. I do care, however, whether their personal life is in order, their marriage is in order, and their track record is in order. We must hold our leaders – be they parents, teachers, employers, pastors, peace officers, or politicians -- to a higher-than-normal standard.

For the record: I noticed that a few NDP candidates had to resign before they ever got to October 14. The party should have checked them out before they were nominated, but at least they had the courage to do something once they found out. Kudos to the NDP!

To attack Harper because of his religious beliefs, Palin because of her traditional view of women, or Bush because he isn't the most articulate speaker, is the product of a gutter mentality.

When politicians are mocked on Air Farce (here) or Saturday Night Live (there), each respective show has crossed the line. I would love to see these two shows take on Dion or Biden. Not a chance.

On the leaders' part, they must be marked by integrity, respect, and honour; on the followers' part (that would be us), interestingly enough, they too should be marked by integrity, respect, and honour. Mud-slinging and arrogance have no part at the leadership level, and cheap shots and false accusations have no part at the followership.

So if I ever run for mayor or MLA or MP (or even mayor, for that matter), please don't make fun of me. Stay away from attacking me. That's what they do in the backwaters of India (hello, Orissa) or Iraq (good-bye, Shiite or Sunni). Disagree with my conservative views, if you will, but do it in a civilized manner. And I reserve the right to do the same to any opponents.

So if that offer for a doughnut still stands, I'll take it. Make that a cream puff. Kind of reminds me of me.

Recession?

Last week's election (Canada) and next month's election (United States) have been keeping many of us pre-occupied and distracted from the dreadful economic woes that are facing our respective countries. Somewhere between the Liberals rocking and the Democrats rolling, we have been officially informed about the dreaded "r-word."

I can see the headlines now: "Recession - Coming to a Town near You."

To stave off the said "r-word" ("recession," in case you haven't been watching CBC), the United States government has come up with a very, very big band-aid - a $700 billion dollar one, in fact. That would buy a lot of Big Macs. My response, at a light-hearted level only, is: Please, Uncle George, may I have a couple of Happy Meals?

Seriously, these are desperate financial times for our neighbours to the south, and it's only a matter of time before it hits us here in Canada. Just what shape it takes, who knows for sure? No matter what our politicians assure us (and I do believe they have a sound plan), we need to be prepared for some economic adjustments.

Having been told that a recession is coming, we are more likely to hold back on buying. If we hold back on buying, then the manufacturers and the retailers of our nation suffer a slowdown. If the makers and sellers of Canada slow down, then there is limited growth in the economy. We can't build or buy, so then the economy...oh, well, you get it.

I do know that if you are told something long enough -- whether it is true or not is irrelevent -- you will believe it. The landscape of world history is scattered with various lies, untruths that have led to wars, genocides, and human misery. Thus, if we are told enough times that there is a recession, or that one is coming, we will believe it. We will alter our spending habits, we will conserve our major purchases, we will do with less.

We will, in fact, produce the recession ourselves, if we are not careful.

I am a writer and a teacher and an actor; I am not an economist, by any stretch. But I struggle with those who apparently know what is going on. Are we being given all the facts about the economic woes? Are things really that bad? Is there a hidden agenda? I don't know, but I am not sure that I should rein in my financial plans because of hearsay.

I wonder if money mismanagement, both on the part of the borrowers and the lenders (why do words like "greed," "pride," "deceit" come to mind?), is at the root of this alleged recession. Who says there is one, or that one is coming? We hear the "experts" tell us that, so we immediately slow down and adjust our money matters. In other words, we fulfill their prophecy.

But must we kowtow to the naysayers? We stop because of what we don't know, not because of what we do know. My take on this is that we keep on shopping, buying, selling, and trading. I heard that the best way out of a recession is to spend one's way. You have to have money to spend money, of course. The irony is not lost on me here: More money is being thrown at the banks, so they can borrow to pay back what they ...borrowed..

Part of being a careful money manager is that we pay off our credit cards on time, we arrange mortgages that we can afford, and we do everything we can to shop responsibly. The one thing we don't do is borrow our way out of debt. That's like eating more to lose weight, talking louder to be quiet.

One of the oddest characters in the fables of my childhood was a weird chicken called Chicken Little. You will recall that something bonked him on the head. Without thoroughly investigating the facts, he made some serious assumptions, then went around and around, clucking here and clucking there, convincing others less in the know that the sky was falling. There was no doubt about it; after all, Chicken Little was there when it happened and he repeated it many times.

I think we need to watch out for the Chicken Littles around us, be it in the economic or political world. I am not sure if the (financial) sky is falling. I need to do due diligence myself and check out all the facts before I conclude that the sky is indeed falling.

But what do I know, I'm just a writer.

Majority or Minority?

By the time you read this, unless you are a very slow reader, we will have our federal election behind us. How it is configured (big word "what shape it takes") is something none of us will know until late tonight.

Another Conservative minority government? Let's hope not. A Liberal or NDP majority government? Shoot me now, please. Now. Beyond these three parties, are there any other legitimate political parties in the race? No, I didn't think so, either.

I think being a politician is a thankless job, despite some of the perks during and after one's time in office. What little I know, I think travelling back and forth to Ottawa frequently, the mindless debates on Parliament Hill, plus the handshakes, stumping, and baby-kissing would drive me crazy.

I didn't watch the leaders' debate (English version) the other night, but I did listen to part of it on the radio. I don't know about you, but I was embarrassed with the way the four also-ran parties ganged up on Stephen Harper. By the same token, I was very pleased with how he handled such crass attacks. I don't think perfection is the issue here, but certainly poise is a factor.

Political leaders (read: party leaders, members of parliament, bureaucrats) have a definite responsibility to behave themselves as mature adults when in public, especially when interacting with each other. Is it little wonder that young people have so little respect for the leaders of our land, especially when they carry on as they did in that recently-televised debate?

A majority-led government in Ottawa would serve Canada well. Whereas, a minority-led government (of any stripe) is a weak-kneed, powerless government, constantly beholden to the next largest party, always looking over its shoulder for that dreaded non-confidence vote. And to add insult to injury, when the Conservatives are dependant on the Liberals, you know our whole country's leadership is in trouble.

So, a best-case scenario would be a majority government (as opposed to a minority one), with the NDP as the official opposition. God forbid the province that has the NDP in power (hello, BC and Ontario). Nearly ten years of NDP rule turned that have-province into a have-not-province within a year. Fortunately, Gordon Campbell's Liberals (made up mostly of former Socreds and Conservatives) have restored BC back to a normal and well-deserved have-province. (I will concede that both Manitoba and Saskatchewan had better success with an NDP-led legislative assembly, but they were never robust economies by any stretch.)

But the NDP as the official watchdog would be healthy for Canada. If you ever watch Jack Layton closely, you will see that he would make an excellent Leader of the Opposition. He reminds me of Nelson Riis, the MP for Kamloops-Thompson, during my days of living in Kamloops. Though they are dissimilar, they both were clear-thinking, clear-talking, but also very clearly in the wrong party.

In these days of economic and moral instability, of national and international shifting, we really need a restraining influence and direction at the top. These are not days for reckless decisions, a devil-may-care approach to the turbulence that we are facing the the 21^st century.

I do not carry a card for any federal political party. I have never served on any committee or board for any federal political party. I leave that for others who have the stomach for such things. I speak simply as a concerned citizen that cares about Canada's future.

In the meantime, I am thinking that Stephen Harper would continue to make a great prime minister, a prime minister of a majority government. Here's hoping...

Grateful for...

Thanksgiving Day is just a few days away. For our American cousins, it's a few weeks away. I think I like where our holiday lies, a nice break between Labour Day and Remembrance Day, with Christmas lurking just around the corner.

Among the many things with which we need to train our kid, besides the usual "Excuse me," and "Please, Mom," are a couple of standard phrases, namely, "Thank you," and "Sorry." I personally and sincerely believe that if our kids would get these two expressions ingrained into their soul, there would be less trouble in the classroom, the dinner table, and the workplace.

However, it's the adults (like you and me), I am concerned about today, adults that need a better attitude about gratitude.

As you cruise slowly up to this great holiday, are you actually really thankful for anything or just grateful for nothing? In this land of plenty-plus, we have so much to be appreciative for, but as sure as I am sitting here in my brave seat, we're probably whining about something. Or nothing.

Let me tell you a few things that I am grateful for (and you can register your "amen" or whatever word you choose to show affirmation or dissent):

I am thankful that in a week from today I have a free vote. It may or may not mean a lot, but at least I have the freedom to register a personal choice. Regardless of my political leanings here in Canada, I know I wouldn't have this same liberty in, say, Zimbabwe, Haiti, or North Korea.

I am thankful for a measure of religious tolerance that allows me to worship in a way I strongly believe in, without fear of harm or danger. I see those liberties eroding, but at least I don't live in the state of Orissa, India, where a group of zealots has repeatedly attacked defenceless citizens recently. There have been reports of burning, looting, raping, and killing, though you may not have heard of it. For the record, there is more grief going on in this world than lies in Afghanistan or Iraq. And maybe just not as much oil.

I am thankful that I can eat any food that I want, for one or two reasons. One, I live in a plentiful country with all sorts of choices, and two, I don't think I have any dietary issues that preclude me from enjoying a good pizza or a good doughnut. There will be other, health-related reasons why I shouldn't indulge in such food fare, of course, but that's another discussion.

I am thankful for living in a civilized part of the planet that provides for the hungry, the homeless, and the hurting. Maybe not always the way we think they should, but then, who says the government should be doing it in the first place? There are food banks, street organizations, free and nearly-free accommodations for the homeless. Again, I wonder how many other countries provide this service.

I am thankful, on that note, that I am not one of the homeless. Despite losing a job here or there, as well my house to a fire, I have never been without either a house or a home for the past fifty-four years. Personal space and place is, in my opinion, an important factor in one's well-being.

I am thankful for options when it comes to education, healthcare, and employment. We live in quite a province. To be sure, there are different issues that irritate us, and we somehow have this Big Brother mentality, one that expects the government to do this and that. For myself, I think less government and more people is the way to go. Let's be grateful for what they do and let's get on with the rest.

I am thankful for health and strength. I have a number of friends, and friends of friends, who have already passed away from cancer and heart issues. My little scare of fifteen months ago was a very healthy (pun intended) wake-up call. I can still play Monopoly with the best of them.

And, finally, I am very thankful for my family. By no means do I have a perfect or nearly-perfect family, starting with me. It is no easy task to raise kids in this culture anymore, especially eight of them. It's also no easy task to live with a father like me! And marriage! In a day when it is becoming more and more popular to drop out rather than hang in, I am grateful for mutual commitment to keep going.

Now I don't know how many times you grunted a reluctant "amen," or perhaps something quite the opposite, but guess what: I am grateful that you read this column once again, and if was a encouragement to you, make that a double thanks.

Terry Fox Run

I don't know if you noticed all the students out of school and downtown the other day. I am not talking about the ones who play hookey. I'm talking about the other ones: There must have been a couple of hundred kids and adults who traipsed around Bow Island, with a police escort and an ambulance bringing up the rear. Four schools were represented: Cherry Coulee, St. Mike's, Bow Island Elementary, and Senator Gershaw.

The brief Terry Fox Run, which in this case was a stroll, took place last Thursday. From some kids' perspective, it was a break from books, boards, and bullies; for others, it was like a breath of fresh air. Well, actually, it was a breath of fresh air – probably 45 minutes worth -- exhaust fumes notwithstanding.

If you gawked at the walkers and the talkers, you may have seen a tall, dark, handsome dude walking very energetically over the complete circuit. Well, that wasn't me; I was the short, bald, facially-challenged dud walking beside him. That is, when I wasn't panting on the pavement and coughing on the curb.

Terry Fox. One of Canada's true heroes. All the kids and probably even some of the teachers weren't even born when he started his heroic trek across Canada twenty-eight years ago. He had to stop it because his cancer came back, somewhere in northern Ontario – near Thunder Bay, if memory serves me correct.

The cancer that motivated him to "run" from sea to shining sea finally caught up with him by the late spring of the following year. I remember it well enough by association: My wife and I were married just after he passed away and just before Charles and Diana tied the knot.

Many heroes pass away in the prime of their life and the memory of their deeds are larger-than-life itself. Not so with Terry. The only thing that appears larger than life is the huge sums of money that is raised in his name each year. But in terms of who he was, what he did, and so forth, he is just another common Canadian hero. And I like it that way.

I say James Dean (and most of you say "Who?), or mention the name of Elvis Presley (and the rest of you squeal). These are "heroes" (please, children, note the quotation marks: either quoteworthy or noteworthy), but heroes disproportionate to what they really did. Dean acted and pouted, whereas Presley sang and shook. If half of what I know about those rascals is true, then the word "hero" is a shameful misuse of the English language.

A hero, in my view, is one who gives himself for someone else, one who serves others selflessly. That's why I don't seek autographs of athletes who make more money in a signing bonus than I will make in a decade or two of actually working for a living. That's why few politicians qualify as heroes, unless one stands up against popular notions, standing up for what is right and moral, not merely trendy and easy.

My mother, and your mother, too, would be considered a heroine by the above test.

I also think by the above standards, Terry Fox qualifies as a true hero. He stood up and stood alone on his one good leg, and he threw himself into a cause that was bigger and greater than himself. We should all take a page out of his book, so to speak.

He probably would have made a poor politician but a fabulous leader. With an election looming, I think he would have made a great prime minister.

On A Daughter's Wedding

Next to eating an onion sandwich, few things bring me to tears like a good wedding. A good wedding, per my glib definition, includes good food, good music, and good jokes. And not necessarily in that order, either.

Well, I just came back from a good wedding. Let me tell you about it.

This good wedding is simply the start of a good marriage, but it is also the culmination of a bunch of other good things. Good things such as the following: two strong, committed families (bride and groom's), possessing virtually the same standards for courtship, romance, and boundaries; two strong, committed individuals (today's bride and groom) who willingly bought into these said standards; and a whole host of friends and family -- from as far-flung places as British Columbia, Washington, Montana, Texas, and Mississippi – to celebrate the grand event.

I suppose the spirit of the wedding made it really stand out for me. The energetic purity, the eager anticipation, the extra touches -- these all made for quite a day. For example, I had never been to a wedding where the actual ceremony took place in the centre of the hall, rather than at the front. In other words, everyone had a ringside seat, close to the action.

In this day of cheap shots about marriage and general denigration about husbands and wives, I found it refreshing to see something that modeled the ideals of a stable marriage. I heard promises of a commitment to a lifelong relationship, of a love that vowed to weather all anticipated challenges, of a vision for a sense of team work.

Preparing for a wedding takes a lot of work; preparing for a marriage takes even more. Sometimes we tend to get the order reversed: Months of effort go into the day, but there is little thought that goes in for the years. Questions about and approaches to such touchy subjects as finances, children, house duties (for starters) are shelved until they raise their ugly head weeks into the marriage. What could have been a reasonable discussion then becomes fodder for a fight.

No matter where you come down on the institution of marriage -- that is, its purpose, its durability, its components – I think I can make two definite statements about its significance. One, strong, stable homes are the basis for a strong, stable country. And two, safe, secure marriages produce safe, secure kids. It can't get any better than that, namely, strong leadership and secure followership.

I know those definitive statements may rankle some of my readers. I do not choose to offend; I simply choose to lay out what I think are some essential qualities of marriage. It crushes me to see how little emphasis is placed on entering this relationship. I don't think writing a test or taking a course would be the answer, but methinks there should be some sort of mandatory pre-marriage training.

But back to today's wedding. There was a lot of pre-wedding preparation, in addition to some pre-marriage preparation. There were dresses to make, chickens to butcher, brochures to design, and a million other tedious tasks to throw together. Hard to believe, but it all came together and a good time was had by all.

Today's wedding had a special angle for me: I gave away one of my daughters, the first wedding in our family. I suppose I was expected to cry, but my wife and I were too happy to give away our daughter to such a fine young man that we had little reason to cry.

Maybe I could have solved that problem by finishing off that onion sandwich after all.